Looking Towards the Future

Psalm 25:4-5 “Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Saviour, and my hope is in you all day long.”

God asks us to give everything to Him. More than just making room for God in our plans put Him at the center of our choices. God then promises to guide us.

Psalm 139:9-10 “If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”

God teach us to listen to you.
God teach us to put our hope in you.
God bless us.
God lead us.

Written by Angela and John

Pointing

John 5
3 In these lay a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed waiting for the moving of the water
8 Jesus said to him, "Rise, take up your bed and walk," 9 And immediately the mad was made well, took up his bed, and walk. And that day was the Sabbath.

Jesus healed one man out of the multitude of people that were there that were sick.

John 9:3-5
Jesus Answered, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him. I must work the works of Him who sent Me while it is day; the night is coming when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world."

It's as if there is something bigger here than just making people physically well.

John 6:27
"Do not labor for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to everlasting life, which the Son of Man will give you, because God the Father has set His seal on Him."

It's as if these miracles are designed to point us to God. As if that is more important than being physically well, or physically feed.

Objectively Optimistic

Sorry I haven't been posting recently but things have been busy lately. I am printing a 3 ft by 4 ft poster tomorrow so I hope that goes well. Anyways ...

I find this is the hardest things to do. To be objectively optimistic. I guess first I should describe what I mean by that. This is a sort of frame of mind that you are optimistic that everything will work out. Optimistic that people are good people and that they will do the right thing, that I will do the right thing. But it is not a blind optimism, that if sufficient evidence is shown that things will not work out, or people are not who they should be, I will be objective about the situation, and but being optimistic(not unrealistic). Whether this is finding a solution, changing my attitudes, or asking God for help.

The question then becomes what is sufficient evidence?

Anyways that is my 2 cents, hope your week is going good!!

Matthew: Chapter 6

Matthew: Chapter 6
16 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? 17 Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin. But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. 18 If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? So do not worry and say, 'What are we to eat?' or 'What are we to drink?' or 'What are we to wear?' All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, 19 and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.

I used to think that I was the only one that struggled with the many issues that surround life. I then came to a point where I understood the world by saying we all struggle with the same things. I soon realized the fallacy of that statement. I am currently at the stage where I realize we all have our own unique set of struggles that are our own. They may overlap in areas but together they are unique.

The first statement leaves us all alone. The second statement believes that we can solve our problems together, which I believe has it's place, the last statement shows our need for God.

Silence or Speak

Ecclesiastes 3:7b (NKJV) "A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;"

This is a difficult balance to accomplish. If you haven't figured out one of my dreams is to learn how to find this balance. I find many times we are silent when we should speak. I find that many of our problems are rooted in our silence. Things like struggles, joy, and problems should be said because many people struggle and when we are silent we think we struggle alone. Many people are joyful but don't share it, God's goodness I think should be shared. Sometimes it is our misconceptions of other peoples words or actions that pull us apart, and other times I talk to much and don't listen to what people are trying to tell me. The problem is it is hard because I worry what other people think about me. I worry because I am not sure about the consequences of saying things (or silence), and this worry drains my energy. I believe that Satan many times revels in our silence. This is where I am learning to trust God, and say it is all yours anyways.

So God this is a prayer for myself and everyone,
that we would learn how to keep our silence when it is needed,
and learn to speak when we need to speak.
God bless us,
God lead us.

Galatians 6:2-3 (NKJV)
"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself."

Trusting God

Chapter 13

1 And as he went out of the temple, one of his disciples said to him, Teacher, see what wonderful stones and buildings!
2 Jesus said to him, Do you see these great buildings? there shall not be one stone left upon another, that shall not be thrown down.
3 And as he sat upon the mount of Olives across from the temple, Peter and James and John and Andrew asked him privately,
4 Tell us, when shall these things be? and what will be the sign that all these things are about to be fulfilled?
5 And Jesus said to them, Take heed lest any man deceive you:
6 For many will come in my name, saying, I am he; and shall deceive many.
7 And when you hear of wars and rumours of wars, do not be troubled: for such things must happen; but the end is not yet.
8 For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be earthquakes in various places, and there shall be famines: these are the beginnings of birth pains.

I find many times people use these verses to convince people buy gold, stock pile food ... and the rest. To convince people that the world is going to end right away. The truth is that Jesus is saying that everything will fall apart. But the question becomes where do we put our trust. I find that sometimes we use this to envision a future where we forget all ties to the world and go live in the mountains, but look closely does Jesus draw that conclusion anywhere. If you think about it buying gold, ammunition, food, etc. really is the transferring this trust in the system to a trust in my ability to prepare myself. Is that what Jesus intended? I don't believe so. I believe that Jesus wants us to trust him. So what does that mean, what does trusting Jesus look like? And that I believe is the million dollar question.

Up Close

Matthew 9:13 "But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice.' For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance"

Matthew 12:7 "But if you had known what this means, 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the guiltless"

Jesus is quoting Hosea 6:6

The religious leaders of the time focused on sacrifice. If you read the passages around these verses the the Pharisees are telling Jesus that he and is followers are not following the "rules." They were not making "sacrifices". The were using condemning Jesus because he healed on the sabbath, because his disciples threshed wheat and eat it on the sabbath. This can be translated into how we quickly point out all the areas where other people are not following God. Who would you say is not following Jesus and why?

Jesus offers this radically different idea where the greatest commandment is to love God. The rules are not our salvation but they become important to the person or community as we learn to love, and as we are lead by the holy spirit. I think this is what Hosea is saying, he is crying out for to God because he wants mercy and not rules to set straight wrongs. Hosea feels the weight because no one can live according to the rules that God has set in place. This is exactly why Jesus came to offer us mercy instead of sacrifices.

This leads me to think about what we teach people, are we teaching people to follow rules or to love God? I think many times we teach people rules because it is so much easier to do.

Monday

So these are report writing days for me and it doesn't excite me to write more here but here are some resent thoughts.

Check out Bradley Hathaway http://www.myspace.com/bradleyhathaway. He is a little far out there but I think he says some important things. Like in the song "Samuel" he talks about being loved for no other reason than being.

Second thought that came up in a bible study I was a part of. That Jesus believes in us that we can follow him ie. do what he did. But it is crucial that we understand that it is not because of what we are capable of, but because of what he has done for us and what he offers us. (catch that it's not about us)

Anyways maybe I will expand on a later blog, but yah enjoy the picture and hope you have a good Tuesday.

Wild Flowers

I was looking though my posts that I have not published and I wondered why this one was never published. So I publish this one today.

1 Thessalonians 5:15-18
15 See that no one repays another with evil for evil; but always seek that which is good, both for yourselves, and for all men.
16 Rejoice always.
17 Pray without ceasing.
18 In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.

This past year "Pray without ceasing" has been brought home to me. It seems to be the most important thing to me.

Trust

Mark 6:49+50 NKJV
"And when they saw Him walking on the sea, they supposed it was a gost, and cried out;for they all saw Him and were troubled. But immediately He talked with them and said to them, 'Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.'"

Proverbs 3:5+6 NKJV
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

As Christians we trust neither in our own understanding, or the understanding of the world, but trust the Lord with our whole heart. How often do we trust humans when we should be trusting God? How often do we accept things we hear as true but ignore what God says?

So God I trust you to lead me,
I trust you to take care of me,
So God lets walk on water that'd be cool.

Collaborative effort.

Where do I go from here?

This is one of my favorite things to do in the city, riding my bike with little traffic.
Today something clicked, and so it was a great day.
"It is the Lord Christ you are serving"
Picture like this I wish I had a better camera where I can adjust the shutter speed, but then I wouldn't take this picture because I would be afraid that that I would break it lol.

I got this verse from a friend "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Colossians 3:23-24

So God teach me to serve you.

A good song by Branden Heath wait and see

Transparency 2

To the past(and others involved),
that I really only representations were used to talk.
It was really done for me five months ago, but completely done 2 months ago.
The only reason that I came around again is to see how people are doing, and I will probably come around again and leave my web markings on your statistics. To the person that made a fool of me a couple of times. God is as integral to me as the blood in my veins. I offer you God but we both know that answer. Yes you have to looks but it was never about that for me, and now not knowing what I know I'm glad it never was.

To the very attractive possible future
that I would love to know.
I stumble at my english, I am strange and do stupid things sometimes, I know.
The only consolation I have for myself is
Romans 8:12-14 (The Message) "So don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go!"
I saw my past straight in the eyes and I am so thankful for God for protecting me all these years and it was really only God even though I had no idea why (At the time I was quite frustrated by it).

To the present (third parties)
It's to bad that this effects life, and this blog but I guess it has to. To finish it up I am thinking about posting transparency 3, it's been in the works for awhile. We'll see.

Check out this vid.

I'm not trying to convince people, I meet too many people like that.
Rather I'm trying to say what I consider the truth, and whether or not you listen is up to you.
God's plan for his followers continues on.
I find that God does the same things. God says to the sun to stop shining and it does, he tells the earth to shake and it does. But he never forces any person to listen to him. He might set up circumstances to make it as obvious a choice as can be but the choice is still up to the person. It is the freedom he has given all of us, and with every freedom comes responsibility. If people refuse him, it doesn't make God smaller, make Jesus sacrifice any less but rather makes the rejector less.

Jesus is here to offer us a friendship with God creator of all.

Tremor

Tremor is bringing in the new day.
They are great yet unnerving times.
Things shake,
You don't know what will be left behind, and what will stay.
The landscape changes from the familiar to the unfamiliar.
Many things I would like to have in place.
Many things I would like to do.
Regardless the new day always comes.

I think I just worry to much sometimes :( Gah
What comes, comes,
What happens, happens.
So here is to not worrying as much :)

God help me be who you want me to be.
Teach us to do things the right way.
God lead us
God bless us

What does it take to cross the bridge?

I have seen smarter people than me simply lose everything for really nothing. I have watched people I considered a much better Christian than me simple turn it all in, and I have seen people show what is underneath. It makes me wonder what does it take to cross the bridge.

One thing this past year and a bit has taught me is how to pray. I have never prayed more, I have never asked God for so much.

Yesterday in church I heard one of the most brilliant messages about things that control us. This person talked about how there life was controlled by something relativity simple, and it was by asking God for a greater passion for him that this person could overcome the control.

So many times we use quick fixes, to subdue our desires. It's an idea I think C.S Lewis mentions allot, how we continue to skew and distort what God has given to us to lead us to him.

There was a evening a few years ago there was an event happening and I was out of the loop, and though I tried to get in the loop I ended up just making a bigger fool of myself. That night was hard and I prayed to God "I can't take this, do something ..." or something like that. In the mist of that I suddenly felt better, and though I ended up not doing anything that evening I was fine with it. It blew my mind, and I still do not understand. It is so counter culture, doesn't make any sense. I don't believe that God calls us to live as a hermit, but I do believe that God uses our desires to call us closer to him.

This is me trying to cross the bridge (Working On Progress). 1 Peter 2:1-9

God give us a passion for you.
God bless us in only the way you can.
God lead us in your ways.
God protect us.

Lights in the shadows

I was going to write something completely else today but well ...

Today's reading comes from Luke 4:1-13. Read it in your favorite translation. I won't confuse/bore you with my old school NKJV. If you don't have a bible there are many available free on the internet.

From the little religious teaching I have received I remembered that scholars propose that what the devil is doing is tempting Jesus to be a different kind of savior. In the first one he is tempted to save the world by feeding it. In the second he is tempted to be a political savior. In the third he is tempted to wow people with miracles and use that to lead people to God. Though Jesus did feed people, did miracles, and uses people really God sent him to save the world by dying for the worlds sins. (There is probably lots of info on this if you are interested)

There are a couple of things that stick out to me. Jesus allows himself to be tempted, he doesn't tell the devil to leave, but rather was lead into the wilderness.

I'm not getting at that we should go look for trouble, but rather sometimes there are things that work at us and sometimes we need to walk through the fire to overcome them. I would rather skip the whole process. Two things comes to mind for me,

In my line of work it is all about ideas and putting them together. My "Big" idea was an underwater hotel. Beside all the shortfalls of that idea and the fact that someone is already doing exactly that I believe God asked me one day "Why I was working so hard". The truth is because that is all I knew what to do to full fill my dreams. God showed me that I could work so hard and only at the last step lose everything, so I gave it to God. I consider this one of the great temptations that was offered to me, and with God helping me over come it. I drastically changed my thinking and it matured me.

This past year and a bit I have had more than one invitation to join a different lifestyle, and you know even though I "know the facts" ... when the day comes will the reasons for your choices be enough to weather the storm. The truth is that my understanding of the world has changed again and I not the same person that I was a year ago because of it. I have never been so convinced that we humans never really different then we where 100 years ago or 1000 years ago ...

I am not saying that I am mighty ... or am anything mature/great, but rather it shows my weakness that where tried(and I am guessing they will be tried again). It helps me to see life as a journey and we make statements about what are living for in the decision we make.

I am not saying that we should go look for trouble but rather if we like Jesus are "led by the Spirit" Luke 4:1 we could be shown where we would be if God left us to ourselves.

Anyways those are my thoughts.

God bless us
God lead us

On the path to Transparancy

I guess sometimes you have to exchange blows, to know the choices people have made.

God is and always has been my protector. Through the deep waters, that are over my head, I prayed to God for direction, and guidance. God carried me, we walked on water.

God shall supply all your needs

This struck me the other day.

John 21 RKJNT
15 So when they had eaten, Jesus said to Simon Peter, Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these? He said to him, Yes, Lord; you know that I love you. He said to him, Feed my lambs.
16 He said to him a second time, Simon, son of John, do you love me? He said to him, Yes, Lord; you know that I love you. He said to him, Tend my sheep.
17 He said to him a third time, Simon, son of John, do you love me? Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, Do you love me? And he said to him, Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you. Jesus said to him, Feed my sheep.

Jesus just asks Peter "do you love me?" and tells him to "Feed my lambs." that is it.

Paul writes in Philippines after talking about being humbled says

Philippines 4 RKJNT
19 And my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
20 Now to our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

God lead us
God bless us

Blast from the Past

One of the sketches is dated Feb 3, 2007, and the film of the B/W photo is dated Oct 21, 2006. I have to admit that most of the sketches where inspired by Akiane http://akiane.com/home.html.

So I know how to play some cords on a guitar, but most of the time I would resort to playing the same cords. I had no idea what I was playing until this summer one of my friends pointed out the song. GREEN DAY LYRICS - "Boulevard Of Broken Dreams". Now how is that for my sub conscience speaking to me lol. If you look at the sketches you see the same thing.

One thing I noticed about my walk of faith with God is that he uproots problems, and shows them to me. Though it is a tough pill to swallow all the time, I notice how necessary it is. I ask God for strength, I give it to God and ask him to teach me how to do things better, because really I have no clue. God is really what makes me who I am.

So God
Lead us
Bless us
Show us what we need to see
Give us everything we need
In Jesus name amen

"All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel!" 2 Corinthians 1:3

This goes out to all the girls out there

It's never worth it to sell yourself.


I Knew You Before SONG LYRICS
by
Dustin Kensrue

You were once a sweet little girl
So innocent and pure
Your eyes were open and sure
Anyone could look right in

I followed closely your gaze
You looked up towards the sky
And I watched your face drift away
Other things had caught your eye

Oh, the magazines and media supplied you with their plastic protocol
Oh, and maybe music television really is the devil after all
But all I can say is I knew you before
You were beautiful back then

Before you grew up, before you gave in

You dream of sharing your heart
Instead you share your bed
And your heart beats empty and cold
With all the tears that you have shed

You dream of baring your soul
Instead you bare more skin
And you wear dark glasses to keep
Anyone from looking in

Oh, the magazines and media supplied you with their plastic protocol
Oh, and maybe music television really is the devil after all
But all I can say is I knew you before
You were beautiful back then

Before you grew up, before you gave in

And all you want is to hear the words
"Dear baby I love you"
So you hike your skirt higher still
'Till there eyes are all on you

You drive in fast foreign cars
The color of your sin
And you tint your windows to keep
Anyone from looking in

Oh, and all I can say I knew you before
You were beautiful back then

Before you grew up, before you gave in

And all I can say is I knew you before
You were beautiful back then

You could be beautiful again

Vinyl

Yesterday I was spontaneous and decided to play a record. So after looking around and asking my parents I found my dad's record player. I then looked to see what records my parents had and then plugged it together with my sound system .... and this is where I said "Where have you been records for the past ... years". Yah I was amazed. Right now the record collection is kind of slim, but I plan on increasing it and buying some new records. I was impressed at how many CD's also come in vinyl. You know I don't really listen to classical but I was blown away by the classical record of Beethoven so yah. Go old school and listen to vinyl :P, so much better than the compressed MP3 of today. But then you can't have 10000 songs on an small square box or actually listen to records anywhere but at home ... but yah something of quality.

God guide us
God heal us
God bless
God lead us
in Jesus name Amen

Gah I wrote again ... lol

Less writing more pictures ... yah that is the plan again. See the world from the lenses of a camera, try to see the world through the eyes of God.

#. The biggest lie I was ever told

As far back as I can conjure up I remember people telling me that if I try really, really, really hard I can do anything I want. This statement has been proven false for me many times, and can be proven false easily.

In the next second I want to climb to the top of Mount Everest... or anything even more outrageous like that.

Just doesn't happen. So what do I propose to replace it with.

1 John 5:14-15 (New American Standard Bible)
" 14 This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.
15 And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him. "

SOOC Today

Well except for the J2F part I gimped that in. lol


"People conceived and brought into life by God don't make a practice of sin. How could they? God's seed is deep within them, making them who they are." 1 John 3:9 The Message

A sign of farming.

If you know what this is and have used it you probably know something about farming.

Life is meant to be lived

I am struck by the words "Life is meant to be lived". I have no idea what the application of those words could be.

I have done enough thinking for a life time, and so my goal is let my artistic twists go and see where they take me. And so I will start with this picture I took of a sunset(or sunrise how can you tell? ...). So be prepared for artistic stuff, or as much as you can get from me ... lol.

I propose to go star gazing with my telescope at least once this summer, take lots of pictures, and see the world in a new light.



I find all we can do is do is what we believe and the rest is up to God to change if we are wrong because I trust him.

God call in the glorious day,
God lead us,
God bless us.

John Friesen out!

A Final Goodbye

So this is it
A final goodbye,
Where the old day is gone, and a new rises.
With midnight in-between, and I survived again.
I wonder why?
I hate starts and stops because I'm no good at them.

Another season passes by,
I feel the time that passed by.
I feel older once again.

This is my grievance for the past,
and me calling in the new day.
For me it's not a load drum,
but slowly with a quiet voice.

This is my quiet peace for the past,
and me stepping into full steam
I ask God for strength once again.

Thanks be to God,
Thanks be to Jesus,
God I call for a blessing.
I call for a glorious day.
What ever that may be.

The chorus of heaven are never silent.

I know this will not make sense to most people but that's the way it's going to have to be.

Angels and Demons

So I don't know what you all believe about Angels and Demons but well ...

So last night I could not sleep, I was tossing and turning. And to add to that I was scared though I don't know what I was scared of. Like I couldn't even keep the door of my room open for more than 2 seconds. At like 1 am I was hungry from all the tossing and turning so I bravefully went down stairs to raid for food, didn't find much except a box of cheerios. I brought this back to my room and eat it with my back to the wall and never missing a thing. I though it was just my mind racing or something so I did the usual tricks such as watching my breathing, or doing something repetitive but it was to no avail. Then it finally clicked what was happening at like 3 or 2 oclock in the morning and I used these words.

Acts 16:18 "Paul, being sore troubled, turned and said to the spirit, I charge thee in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her." Except in my words "In the name of Jesus leave me alone"

And in five min. I was asleep. With the door and window wide open.

I guess a reminder that God and prayer are the most powerful things we have, and God will give us all we need.

I am amazed by my friends and am supper thankful for their words of warning. I just wish I could talk to them more, get to know them better.

Ephesians 6 ish The Message "Be prepared. Your up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet."

Or maybe just one thing.

We humans can't change a single thing.
We can't call in the abundant skies.
We are a sharp edge that destroys everything.
We leave people dry.
I am no different.

There is an explosion, I see the blast.
I run into my house only to see it fall apart.
I run out.
I stand outside feeling the blast, calling God for help.

God rules the world, and who can stand in his way, who can challenge him.
God is the one who owns the abundant skies and call us in.
God is the refreshing stream, the healing hand.
He is the one who breaks my fall, He is the reason I breathe.
God owns me, and I depend on him solely.

We humans need God. We need God's love.

God Lead us,
God Bless us,
God Give us Strength.
God Protect us.

I need a break.
So I am taking a rest for a bit, giving this blog a rest. A time of summer fallow for me.

I just bid on this CD on Ebay so hopefully I get it soon :)

Day of Fire - Rain Song

Bring rivers in this wasteland
Clouds into this sky
Bring springs of life into the wells that have been run dry

Rise up in this city
Gather in this light
Fall down on your people
Your glory and your life

Rain
Lord we thirst for water
Rain
We are desert Land
Rain
On your sons and daughters
Rain
Bring your rain again

Speak dreams into this water
And vision to this land
That oceans be divided
And bring forth life again

Rise up in this city
Gather in this light
Fall down on your people
Your glory and your life

CHORUS x 2

Let the tide roll in
Washing over our lives
Let your water fall again

Bring rivers in this wasteland
Clouds into the sky

CHORUS x 2

Bring your rain again
Let your water fall down
Bring your rain again now
(repeat)

Sun July 19

So I realized something today, actually it has been mulling for a bit and today it clicked. Sometimes I can get so focused on trying to figure out the reasons for why people do what they do. It's sort of a self defence mechanism I guess. But I found out that it just makes me suspicious, and dumb and so I say goodbye. Now of course it seems ridiculous.

So now I'm going to try to put some puzzle pieces together. I don't know if I have reached the bottom but It seems that other problems grow from this. If you think about it if I am suspicious, soon the glass become half empty and every one is against me and I start thinking like the blog entry on July 12. Then I become unreasonable because I am asking for a fight and to be left beaten up. I guess the point I am trying to make in all of this is that even without any negative outside influences I can work against myself. A little bit of a chiller and a humbler for myself.

God Bless us
God Lead us

God's Gift

So today I realized something. Jesus gave everything as a gift to us. We could have completely wasted all he did by not listening to what he did or said. We could have said he was just another crazy person and ignored him, and his miracles. He did not trust solely in people to continue his message (In the night of his betrayal all his disciples left him). He did not trust that earthly love would overcome. He trusted fully in God's plan. The truth is that people abuse his gift everyday, and yet the gift is still there. It is not dependent on what we do. It is not dependent on us at all. And he calls us to be like him.

Today that brought tears to my eyes, and my knees to the floor.

God give us the strength
God bless us
God lead us

And yes it was time for a color change, actually a tiny overhaul.

Impressions

So I can across something recently, and I find very useful especially when dealing with people. I was accused of something, and from my point of view it was an accusation on an assumption that someone had made. Now I understand we all do it including me, but I didn't take it very well to begin with, not good at all. I just find that if I word things (actually in general think about things) in the form of a question rather than an accusation things go so much better. So yah let us all try bettering your world by thinking in the form of questions rather than accusations.

It's only later when I could put the accusation in the form of a question in my head that I could come up with a half decent answer.

Fighting

There are times when I have connected with these words from the movie Fighting by Dito Montiel.
"You think I don't understand I'm nothing, I get it I ain't worth nothing.
but the only way I'm going to lose is if somebody beats me."
To me they have seemed like legit words, but after awhile I have come to understand that they are selfish words. They only consider the one person who is talking. I find thinking like that enslaves me and makes me angry and doesn't help at all. The turn around happened at work I was giving one of those no glory projects (no matter what you do people will complain). I expressed my concern to my boss, and he gave me this article http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/business/glass--half-empty-dont-blame-others-for-your-bad-attitude-49922407.html. A sort of you eat your words thing.

I think I have the first steps to the top of the mountain for what I would like to replace that with. God this is all yours, I will do what I think is right and if it's not force me to realize otherwise, if it is give me more than enough strength courage and will power to do your will. Help me to listen to you.

You know this relates to the post I did on June 21. I had very much the same attitude then. In a situation like that the goal is to descalate the situation not escalate it, and you have to push aside yourself.

Consistency

Consistency is a skill that is not easily gained, because we as humans are always changing and so to remain the same because impossible. Only God remains the same forever. There are ways to give the impression of consistency.

The power of people comes from preparation. If you want to be consistent you train yourself for every possible situation (Role Playing). Governments do groups projects where they assign people to different parties and mock a situation. They list the possible choices and then decide the best possible solution as they walk through the given scenario.

But if your anything like me and your lazy, not that smart, and don't have loads of time you can't do that.

The power of Gods' people is in prayer.

Philippians 4:6,7 ASV
6 In nothing be anxious; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.

define: Love

So I was upset the other day for no other reason then by what google did (or maybe what it didn't do). I routinely use googles' Define: tool. I like it because it usually gives you a whole host of definitions from a variety of sources with links so that you can find more information. But I was disappointed the other day when I typed in "define: Love" in the google search bar. In this the information age that is all google could find. Then I found this page http://www.wikihow.com/Define-Love and I understood why dictionaries are the way they are. "The dictionary defines love in several ways in which we use the word". I am actually impressed with the page so check it out. So here is my attempt add to this without actually adding anything.

1 Corinthians 13~ish The Message
"
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when other grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
"

Now for some comical relief have a look at this vid.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90SIuISIVB8 "The Big Snit"
Brought to you by the taxpayers of Canada.

Reflection 3

Once I meet a girl who had had a bad break up with a guy, and you could tell that things where not going well. You could tell that the acceptable drugs of alcohol, and the comfort of her cats just weren't working any more. You could tell it in her eyes in that she wasn't really looking at you, you could tell it in that she was going to the bathroom every 10 min that she was on something stronger that was destroying her life. I could see that she was again making a poor choice. This works at me and I have to ask "When will it end".

In my line of work we call that a positive feedback loop where when something happens to activate the system and then the response to the system doesn't calm the system but further increases it until something burns out or blows up. They are rather undesirable. It's like a hole in a dam. The little bit of water takes a little dirt with it which lets a little more water out which takes a little more dirt and so on until the dam becomes useless and the water is gushing through.

The desired system is a negative feedback loop where the response to the initial impulse reduces it and eventually gets rid of the initial impulse all together. This is allot like driving in a car and then you hit a bump in the road. The bump makes the car bounce up and then go down and then up but not as far as before and slowly the bump disappears until there is no more evidence that the car even hit a bump before. This kind of feedback loop used extensively.

Long Weekend yah!

Two verses struck me yesterday. The first one at church and the second while looking for the first.

John 6:68+69 NKJV
But Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord to who shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."

Mark 9:24 NKJV
Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!"

I guess they struck me because they both humble human responses to Jesus.

John 16 17~33 ish The Message

When a woman gives birth, she has a hard time, there's no getting around it. But when the baby is born, there is joy in the birth. This new life in the world wipes out memory of the pain. The sadness you have right now is similar to that pain, but the coming joy is also similar. When I see you again, you'll be full of joy, and it will be a joy no one can rob from you.

Self Reflection

So I realize I procrastinate allot more doing these entries. Humm...

I remembered something the other day, and it makes allot of sense to me.
A few years ago I was in a inner-city missions group, and on one of the evenings we were split up into groups and sent to talk to people on the streets. We meet some kids and decided to see if we could play a game with them, which really didn't work out. So we decided to leave and they started to follow us. Now my predisposition told me to turn around and tell them "If your going to beat me up then beat me up, if your not leave us alone" or something like that, but I only got half way around and then one of the people I was with nicely asked me to turn back around and walk with them. Which was really the best choice, and is what I'm glad I did. They replied with a "We have a tough guy" which is really how I was acting. Soon I saw a cop drive by and I presume they left then. I guess the lesson for me sometimes folding instead of betting is the bravest thing you can do.

Vid

Vid made by some of my crazy friends.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHb34ilO_A4

@. Chains

chain: anything that acts as a restraint

http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=chain

How do we overcome the restraints that hold us back. I believe it starts with proper planning. My management book lists 4 steps in planning.

Analysing the environment:
Setting objectives and strategies:
Determining resources:
Monitoring outcomes:

In the first step involves determining what things affect our lives, and finding out why we do what we do. In the second step concrete reachable goals are made so we know where we want to be. Then it is necessary to find out what we need to reach those goals, which in many cases involves other people. And then monitor those goals so your can measure what your doing good at and what you need to give more resources to. There is lots of information available on tools like this but I find for things to change we need to make a sacrifices, and take a risks because I believe that change doesn't happen without it.

It turns out that these procedures are just that a tool. Allot like a hammer, or a nail gun they help you to build something, but whether you are building a house or a prison that is up to the builder. The tools just help you make the building faster and better. Logically there is only one difference between a house and a prison. In a house people are free to come and go as they please, a prison the person inside is forced to remain inside.

Sometimes I wonder if we are not building our own prison every day. So many times we make choices that close out the rest of the world. And by closing out the rest of the world we close ourselves in.

In the book Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller he talks about his first Christmas where he realized that he had spent all his Christmas money on himself and had spent little money buying gifts for others and how he felt like Hitler. I take that to be an example of a way we close ourselves in, by focusing on ourselves.

Do you realize that we may be breaking chains but really we are just learning how to build ourselves a stronger jail to lock ourselves into. That's why we should spend time thinking about what we want to do, and I believe that is why we need God.

Do you catch that knowledge, wisdom, power, social status, money... etc. is just a tool nothing more nothing less. You can have a brilliant person who locks himself up, and a martyr who can't help but praise God, a poor and starving person who would share with you their last meal.

[Picture on opposite side: purpose = Contrasting either side ]
[ideas: house -> homeless mans' house, or not well to do house | prison -> high end home and some how show that it is a prison]

Management by Michael A. Hitt ... [Et Al.]. Canadian ed.
Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality by Donald Miller

Self Reflection

I have determined I keep to many secrets and I close in on myself to much so I propose to change that, even if it means talking to an empty room to start.

So if your wondering what has been up
there was this girl that I liked,
I wanted to know if things could work, and no they couldn't.
As I have said I made a complete fool of myself, but in some ways I'm glad I did.

I like the words end of an era with this as a sign post,
because it seems that way in many ways in my life.

I find myself wanting to do something for God. We'll have to wait and see.

I have determined that deep down I am always asking a question,
and I am always searching for an answer.
I guess I have lots of questions.
That's what makes me so strange and difficult sometimes.
I wonder if I will ever settle down.
When in heaven I don't want to ask a single one, but rather praise God forever.

I used to be the shadow, I felt the breath of life wake me up,
only to find myself in a parched land craving water.
I wonder about the road I have travelled to get here,
only God knows why.

I walk into this oasis from the desert.
I come to drink from the fount where I will never thirst again.
The keeper of the fount has one request,
that will make this water last.

I realize I am far from where I want to be
I realize God is all and all.

Oh God I am in need of your mercy
Oh God I am in need of your grace
God help us
God lead us

yes I have pushed off the next entry again, I guess it's really making me think about things.

In the Middle

So this is not a blog I plan on adding to the compilation but I feel compelled.
Three things are at the focus of my attention, one I really need a shave and a hair cut because it is driving my nerves nutts, two my MG got 20 MPG that is a down right miracle, three it is freaking cold why can't summer arrive.

I remember last year I went to a old time festival. You know the ones where they drive steam engine tractors and stuff the like. They were playing some older folk music and I have to say that I enjoy that music just as much as rap, or anything I listen to. I think part of the reason is it communicates to me an era where social assistance didn't exist, a place where people broke the land.

The national geographic had an article on Jamestown and there are two things that strike me. One is they landed not on a pure untouched landscape but a agricultural system of horticulture, and so the drive to be environmental and restore the land to it's "natural" state is really something that hasn't been around for a long long time. But that's not to say that parks are useless on the contrary I think they are very valuable, but what is intention behind them?

Two, it's really how the Jamestown people changed the landscape/environment by introducing earthworms and foreign animals,plants, and diseases that the the colonist conquered the land.

Now I realize I have a fascination with humans struggling. humm.

So if you want a teaser for the next blog the plan is to name it Chains.

!. Entitlement

United Nations Human Rights

The mission of the Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights (OHCHR) is to work for the protection of all human rights for all people; to help empower people to realize their rights; and to assist those responsible for upholding such rights in ensuring that they are implemented.

In carrying out its mission OHCHR will:

* Give priority to addressing the most pressing human rights violations, both acute and chronic, particularly those that put life in imminent peril;
* Focus attention on those who are at risk and vulnerable on multiple fronts;
* Pay equal attention to the realization of civil, cultural, economic, political, and social rights, including the right to development; and
* Measure the impact of its work through the substantive benefit that is accrued, through it, to individuals around the world.

http://www.ohchr.org/EN/AboutUs/Pages/MissionStatement.aspx

Entitlement

1 a: the state or condition of being entitled : right b: a right to benefits specified especially by law or contract
2: a government program providing benefits to members of a specified group ; also : funds supporting or distributed by such a program
3: belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/entitlement

Sometimes we get convinced that we are entitled to certain rights, and for some of use this includes luxuries we enjoy.

But how can you claim something like free speech, or a luxury. A Christian in a religiously controlled country can't show the rulers their rights and expect a change just with that piece of information. I child in a refugee camp can't demand enough food to survive on. Is a victim of an assault entailed to a reason why.

Sometimes we like to gloat that we earned our entitlements. Now wait a minute yes we work hard sometimes, but so do many people who receive nothing. The question comes down to did you earn your physical heath, the family/community you were born into, did you earn the air you breath. If you add up everything you receive without payment only an ignorant person could keep the list short. Can we hold God ransom, till we get what we want.

So what do you call something that you receive that your not entitled to. I would call that a gift.

If you think about it most of what we work for would not have been even possible without having a foundation in a gift that we received. Where would Alexander the Great be without his inherited highly skilled and equipped army or Einstein without his brain, the turnaround street victim with out the people who helped him.

So I propose to take the gifts I have an use then to multiply those opportunities for others, or of course you could hoard your gifts and use then to multiply your own opportunities.

[Picture on opposite side: purpose = human suffering ]
[ideas: person on the street, refugee camp, medical conditions]

Choo Choo

Many times I feel like a train,
going full steam into a train wreck.
This is one of those times.
I have a crazy idea,
and it involves a fair amount of work with little pay-off.
Hey it's like what I usually do lol.
So my plan is to make a short compilation of blogs,
and eventually wrap them up into a pdf with pictures to match.

humm ...

So if there is any input, corrections, insights they would be much appreciated but,
not very many people say anything here any ways so here we go ....

MGB

So yesterday I revived my MGB back to life again.
Had to do some nerve surgery, ie completely replace the ignition system,
So yah I had to take it spin, actually a couple of spins.
You know I like the adrenalin of having fun, but when it is all said and done,
I know how much more it would take to get the same rush and
I realize how completely worthless working hard just for a rush is to me.

Easy to forgive, quick to forget.
Very important words for me.
This new direction is home.

What ever the reason ...

What ever the reason for my foolish ways,
I know I had to do it. It's always a WOP or guess it is WIP.

I find myself asking God for a bigger risk,
though I have no idea why.
It seems to me risk is connected to sacrifice.
Are the two interdependent?

I find no matter which way the wind blows or how strong,
I catch a glimpse of light and it has me hooked.

God has shattered my conceptions,
knowing and agreeing are different that taking something to heart.
God has showed me that in another part of life.

God ruler of all,
I called on you awesome name,
to give you thanks and shout praise.
Come bless us. Come lead us.

The Motions by Matthew West amazing.

I worry this is political

What's the fool to do?
To young and everything to lose. lol.
Lessons learned ...
Maybe just myself understood.

I remember;
I saw the bottom of the bottle,
before my first sip.
I felt the pain in my hand,
before I hit.
I may have asked God for that.
It's always a choice for me,
and sometimes I ignore.

Somethings you have to be passionate about.
Somethings you have to forget about.
I find I can mix those up,
more often it's unclear.

There are many things I would like to know,
but when the scale is tipped.
I find I don't need to know,
maybe one day I will know ...
one day I will not care.

To be cynical
The world is a hard place,
it owes us nothing.

To be optimistic
Everything we get is a gift,
that we can give.

Hope For

This is way beyond my pay grade,
and way over my head, but here is my attempt.

Ecclesiastes 12:13 NKJV
Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter:
Fear God and keep His commandments,
for this is man's all

Galatians 6:8ish The Message
But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.

John 10:27 NKJV
"I am the Good Shepherd. I know my own sheep and my own sheep know me."

Luke 18:22ish The Message
"When Jesus heard that, he said, "Then there's only one thing left to do: Sell everything you own and give it away to the poor. You will have riches in heaven. Then come, Follow me."

Matthew 4:19 NKJV
Then He said to them, "follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men."

For me this is what I think -I hope to do what God asks me to do, I hope to follow God-

Hope

I am surprised that I haven't left a blog on hope since I considered it to be one of the most important things.
The way I see it is what we hope for will determine what motivates us, and what motivates us will determine our actions.
With out hope there is no motivation, which translates into no actions.
For me I need both long term, and short term hope.
The question then becomes what do we hope for?
I find that is a hard question to answer.

I find the hardest things to do is to be on the edge and not know whether I should hope or not.
Right now I find I need to change what I hope for, that doesn't mean I am closing any doors, but it does mean that my motivations and my actions will probably change. Like me I always have many ideas and I need to sift through what I like and don't and ask God for direction. Seems to me I always give everything I can into the things I hope for, but that doesn't mean I do it right, that I should, that it means anything. hummm ...

So yah a new direction :)

Something completely different

So if you want to throw me in the crazy bin after this post, I don't blame you. There are some parallels with my life but I could very well be wrong about them because I have been before.

This is a dream I had this morning, and I can't sleep so I am posting it now.

I can't remember what I was doing but it was something insignificant in my dream, and the weather was gloomy, cold and things were not terrible good.
I felt a need to ask God to speak to me so I did.
The weather turned bad, and things where miserable like one of those freak summer storms.
The wind was so strong that I could hardly stand.
So I screamed out God speak to me
And then he did,
I can't remember what he said but I remember that there was a need for a sacrifice.
There was a cow and I had of all things a hula hoop to use and though I tried hard I couldn't sacrifice the cow and then it was gone.
Then another cow came and I was trying again.

Then I woke up.

Right at this instant I remembered from church this Sunday (we had a guest couple from promise keepers) that she said she had woken up at 3:16 and so she shared John 3:16. I checked the clock and it was 3:19 and so I will share John 3:19.

"And this is the judgement, that the light is come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the light; for their works were evil." ASV

For me this verse is explaining reaction to light, which could be interpreted as God's saving grace or a whole host of things. We hate God's grace because it shows our wickedness. We don't hate the light because of the light but rather what it shows in us. For me I have had to realize what I am doing, I am so caught up in hiding stuff and hating the light for what it does that I miss the whole point of light. The light is meant to save us, and the brightness that exposes us is there so that we can give those areas to God.

I wrote this on the fifth of April or sometime around then.

This is the second or third area in my life I have had to use this.
It is when you feel like surrender is giving in,
it is really the victory dance
because in surrendering you destroy the power it has over you.
I am no longer clenching this chain that is holding me down.
Though I know it will probably come back again I hold this
memory of it's defeat to use against it.

Getting back to my dream, I guess there is some things that I stick out to me that I would like prayer about and I will pray about. I am using the wrong instrument, there is no way a hula hoop is going to work so pray that I can find the right instrument. The second thing and it has to do with the first is that I can complete the sacrifice.

Wow I am hungry! ummmmm...... that could be interpreted wrong I am actually hungry lol

What shapes my Understanding

I know of someone who said he wished he could take my pain away,
who really taught me about compassion, giving, self sacrifice ...

That same person had a cow turned on him and charge.
I can't remember how big it was but is was many times his weight.
Bare handed he grabbed the cow by the horns while it was charging him and took it down to the dirt.
He held the cow down until the trailer came in which he loaded it into.
He was unharmed.

He never tells this story unless asked about it.
I've never seen him use his physical strength against people, though he could.
He would rather stand up for people that needed help.

What I'm trying to get at is that self worth gained from boasting or creating fear, is a poor way of getting self worth. But it involves the least amount of work.

I try to ask myself many times what am I trying to do when I post to this blog. Many times when I say I need a break from this blog it is because I am unclear what I am trying to do, and I need to think it over. I never want this to be a form of boasting.

In the News

I was completely blown away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

and it also relates.

Quote

“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.” Albert Einstein

Today

Today was surreal, in a good way.
It's one of those days where things are moving,
and you have no idea why, where, how.
I have no control, never planned it,
things just happen.

I feel the need to start journalling again,
but I find it impossible to record what I want.
But I will try.

nostalgia

What hits me the hardest,
is when we throw away what has been given to us.
I guess that is true freedom that God has given us.
We always have the freedom to shove his gifts in his face, and walk away.
I know I have done it, many times.
I believe that comes for C.S Lewis The Great Divorce.

I know many times I have had to crawl up in a ball on the floor,
feel my incompetence, feel my limits, and say God I am nothing you are all.
Many times I have had to say all this is useless, with out you God.
I have nostalgic feeling about the floor.
Best place to listen to music.

Double edge

I have never liked Annie dolls.
flavour is what adds colour.
So be flavourful.

For the first half year of this blog I had a tag,
to keep track of who reads this blog.
I changed the layout, and the tracker stopped working.
I asked myself the question,
does it matter if many people read this, or just me?
I found that I didn't want to care,
so I never fixed it.

John 11

John 11
35 "Jesus Wept."
38 "The Jesus, again groaning in Himself, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it."
40 "Jesus said to her, 'Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?'"
43 "Now when He said these things, He cried with a load voice, 'Lazarus, come forth!'"

Mosaic

I can't help but smell spring,
it is running through my veins.
I can't help but let it take over.
It seems spring never comes soon enough.
Happens every time.

Every painting, every piece of artwork,
is affected by the culture,
the struggles of the person who made.
That is why you can't copy artwork perfectly,
the artists hand is biased.

We can have a million of people looking for a gold coin,
but they could all be looking in the wrong field.
Sometimes getting more people involved creates more distraction.

State of mind can do wonders but ...
forced stability creates brittleness.
So many things are learn t in trouble.
Many of my better ideas are set in,
some of the worst days.
Tears and frustration drive the worst and the best.
I think these days are not over, but I have been wrong.

I can see how I could direct this blog more,
but that would involve allot more work,
and I would probably just throw out all those posts anyways.

Trust

Nine Inch Nails Discipline Lyrics
"I need your discipline
I need your help
I need your discipline
You know once I start I cannot help myself"

If left to myself I will be my own destruction.
If I think hard, I will crash and break.
I have looked for something to break me free,
from what other people do.
I see sometimes people depend on their image,
to give them discipline.
I see sometimes people depend on their goals,
to give them discipline.
What happens when you image fails, or your goals become out of reach?
The world will tell us the giving up is failure so don't give up,
and they may be right if directed the right way,
and terrible wrong if directed the wrong way.
The biggest struggles are over those things that are almost right.

I found what I'm looking for.
It's my trust in God and Jesus.
This is far from a blind trust,
but rather a living breathing trust.
I trust that God will destroy my stubbornest toward him,
Though I am never sure what to do,
I pray, continue to ask for help,
and do what I think is right.

Work

It's been a long time since I've done an Enneagram. http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/
Probably since high school.
Turns out I'm still the same,
I am a 5 "THE INVESTIGATOR"
I have to agree with the following

Basic Fear: Being useless, helpless, or incapable
Basic Desire: To be capable and competent
When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress),
detached Fives suddenly become hyperactive and scattered at Seven.

They do not accept received opinions and doctrines, feeling a strong need to test the truth of most assumptions for themselves.

This is something that I've been working on, hard work at times, and I really want to:

Thus, the challenge to Fives is to understand that they can pursue whatever questions or problems spark their imaginations and maintain relationships, take proper care of themselves, and do all of the things that are the hallmarks of a healthy life.

According to the test I also have some 3 "THE ACHIEVER" in me,
and I agree with that, or is it a misdiagnosed 8(growth) it's possible.

I find that I like to discover new areas to investigate. An interesting one is Public speaking, it's funny because when I discover a area I play with it, and so I've played with public speaking it's kinda fun, you should try it sometime. Something I also continue to work on is not caring if I look like a complete retard or not, but mindful of the reasons.

I have to watch myself this is something I wrote.
Things are hard for me right now,
for a variety of external reasons.
But it comes down to I'm tired.
It's allot of work right now,
stopping myself from going down roads,
I don't want to travel.
So I call out to God for release.

God help me.

Seems I have lots to learn yet.
I've found a way to relax,
I got too involved when I should let things go.
Can't change anything anyways.

Rest

I have 3 posts that I really like,
but I can't post them.
So I am giving this blog a rest for a bit.

No one has seen this close before

I do, these pieces are nearly worn out.
This maze I wonder.
am I solver, or creator?
is it factual or figmental?
first and foremost it seems I forgot.
I wanted to say I'm sorry.
I'm the jerk(many times),
and I ask for your forgiveness.
this game, I played one night.
great potential turned to pain
snagged in a cycle
that I regret.

many times I've tread this maze.
always unsolved.
Thanks.
like always I need God's help.

A cry out

God lead us
God bless us

It seems this is an addiction

I wonder when we traded resilience for efficiency?

"The organism with the best chance of success is not necessarily the one most perfectly adapted to its environment at any particular point but rather the one that maintains its ability to respond to the environment in flexible ways." Daniel G. Bates - Human Adaptive Strategies third edition.

I wouldn't trade it for the world

I'm searching for the other side.
I'm searching for this next step.
It's seems I've made this much more difficult
I'm not looking for the best,
I'm not looking for better than everyone else.
what criteria would I use?

I'm searching for something that I know is right.
I'm searching for more than what I see here.
I'm searching for this light that Jesus has shown me.
Though I have no idea what it is.

I guess it starts like this,
first you see the problems around you,
then you see the problems in yourself,
then you have to be fine with God's saving grace,
then you work at them.
And repeat as necessary.

It seems this is the hardest thing I've faced,
It seems this stubborn head is rock solid.
I seem unable to trust God,
but slowly this rock is breaking.
I wouldn't trade it for the world.

oh what am I going to do?

It seems I've run out of peanut butter,
plain out of snacks,
oh what am I going to do?

I saw the sun set on my way home,
wanted to put it in a bottle,
but I'm against the destruction of wonder.

left the oven on to long,
burnt is really burnt,
never before tasted spicy burnt.

solved a problem on an envelop,
just for fun,
who needs looseleaf anyways.

Got a paycheck today,
more than I expected,
going to have to find ways to give it away.

God did some work today,
inexplicable to me,
but the rest would say coincidence.

It seems I have some guidance,
but not really sure,
So I reach for a deeper trust.

I'm absolutely insane,
I wonder how things will turn out,
oh what am I going to do?

It's another year on the wall

It's another year on the wall,
and it seems I'm not quite here.
I find I have exhausted myself again,
I need time to regain.
If there is one wish, one dream, one prayer, it would be
that we would look for answers and truly find them,
that we would seek God, and trust him.
I find so many times we take second best,
so many times we stop just short of Jesus.
Can we not see that nothing worth anything comes easy.
Can we not see that God wants you to seek him.

I despise ideas that undermine this life.
Things like
Life is shit, you are born then you die
Live the illusion
God helps those who help themselves
I won't change for anything

We are all Staind ...
what happens when we are shaken and find
we are awake, and see that this is it?
I am very much an optimist, and believe
that any obstacle can be overcome.

I can be distressed, but can't hit bottom.
Be scared, trembling nervous, and be fine with it.
Be vexed but don't leave what I trust.
The way I see it this life is a struggle,
but we choose what we struggle for.

"So, the only thing we have to fear is not fear itself but contentment."
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/world_news_america/7854864.stm

And he worshiped him

John 9
"25 He therefore answered, Whether he is a sinner, I know not: one thing I know, that, whereas I was blind, now I see.
...
30 The man answered and said unto them, Why, herein is the marvel, that ye know not whence he is, and yet he opened mine eyes.
31 We know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshiper of God, and do his will, him he heareth.
32 Since the world began it was never heard that any one opened the eyes of a man born blind.
33 If this man were not from God, he could do nothing.
...
38 And he said, Lord, I believe. And he worshiped him."

see Friday, February 29, 2008

cont. Jan 18

"Men still have to be governed by deception."
Georg C. Lichtenberg

Though it might seem tempting I choose to disagree.

"And love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and it is a broken Hallelujah
...
It's not a cry that you hear at night,
And it is not somebody who has seen the light
It's a cold and it is a broken Hallelujah" Hallelujah Words & Music by Leonard Cohen

Though I'm not sure on the meaning of the song and from what I've found it seems no one does, maybe if I had more time I could figure it out but I find that these words have the meaning that I want to convey.

Luke 22 NKJV
"43 Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven,strengthening Him.
44 And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground."

It seems the hardest part was not the next day but it was in the calm before the public battle was fought. I think we miss that sometimes.

Luke 22 NKJV
"31 And the Lord said, 'Simon, Simon! Indeed,Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat.'
32 'But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.'"

If you know what happens you will understand, and if not you should read it.
This is where it ties together. The story is a broken Hallelujah filled with desertion, betrayal, submission, and forgiveness. We see that there is a way through, even though it makes absolutely no sense to those around. But we see that God fulfill his will and ever one took their place, in the baffling dance of free will and divine plan. It appears that the fiercer the fire makes the stronger the person, the fiercer the fire the bigger the victory.

Luke 24:52
"And they worshiped Him, and returned to Jerusalem with great joy,"

cont. Jan 14

Ecclesiastes 1 NKJV
"17 And I set my heart to know wisdom and to know madness and folly. I perceived that this also is grasping for the wind
18 For in much wisdom is much grief, And he who increases knowledge increases sorrow."

Ephesians 1:9 NKJV
"Having made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself,"
...
18 "the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints,"

Jan 18

Empty this clip,
Work till I can't.
Break this stick.

What happens when you get told something
that you have figured better?
Out of respect of authority you choose
to forget your better judgment.

It's amazing what you can learn about somebody by dancing with them.
Lots of things come together,
you can catch a glimpse of the choices made.
Yes I stole something, and I will never give it back.

I've known for a long time.
It's recorded in my journals from high school.
If you want to be good at something,
you need to be passionate about it.
The trouble, the challenge, it seems,
is what can I be passionate about that won't leave me broke?

Here is an interesting quote to think about.

"Men still have to be governed by deception."
Georg C. Lichtenberg

Loudly

I used to think that I had no moment that I can look back and say that is when I gave my life to Christ, But I do. It came back to me recently.
I was young, I was playing with toys on the floor in front of the church bench during the service. I heard the preacher ask if anyone wanted to let Jesus into there life, and to the embarrassment of my parents I said I did very loudly. So loudly in fact that the preacher heard it.

I believe that is the moment I let Jesus take the drivers seat, and I like it.

sunk in

I used to believe that intelligence could solve all problems,
I used to believe that intelligence was the trump card,
All I needed to do was be a little smarter,
a little more understanding and everything would be easier.
and in many places today that is what we are told.
Some people get paid big dollars to tell us we are gods.

The more you know the more you realize that you don't know,
I heard that many times, but it never really sunk in.

But if you look at history and all the truly smart people that
were years ahead of their time you will soon see that many of them
killed themselves or were killed before their time.
It seems that it is easy to get trapped into a circle
of always wanting a little more, until your left with nothing.

I'm not saying that being able to think things through is not important,
it is very important, just don't expect the world.

This seems allot like a conundrum. lol

September 24, 2008

I tie myself to you
So teach me to leave my sin behind,
teach me to trust,
give me more of what I can't take right now.
stretch me beyond my limits,
just be there like you always are,
pick me up, break these fears.
teach me to overcome.
God bless us
God lead us

Bit pessimistic

I guess I'm bit pessimistic,
but I know that everything here will disappoint me sometime,
I guess I'm looking for something more.

"We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It's to the very presence of God where Jesus, running on ahead of us, has taken up his permanent post as high priest for us..." Hebrews 6:~17-20 The Message

I've seen this before

There is this funny thing and it appears many places in life.
This scale.
There is this balance between living your life,
and listening to other peoples criticism.
There is this balance between letting yourself fall,
and other people telling you what to do.
Because no matter how hard we try we are affected by those around us,
and no matter how hard we try we are who we are.

(NKJV) John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you: not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

So God reach into us,
God bless us,
God lead us.

I've seen this place before

I've seen this place before.
It seems to appear in everything from learning, life, building, working hard ... etc
It's the place where you are nearest to somewhere else,
without realizing it.
It's when discouragement can set in,
it's where all seems to be against.
It's where the fighting is the hardest.
This is where you push a little harder,
use the ace card, you have up your sleeve.
Let everything go, and let yourself take it's course.
This is where you ask for help.

God help us.
God bless us.
God lead us.

Restlessness

I look for people who know what they believe,
and truly follow it.
Who understand what they hold to,
and they hold to something that will not let them down.
People who do not fear.
People like this I find are few and far between
This is far from being assertive,
far from knowing how to lead,
far from the being cynical which seems to be prevalent at the U.
far from the usual.

I guess it's the dream for myself,
and I am always looking for role models.
People to emulate.
And really no person can match what I'm looking for,
but some people can show me apart of what what I'm looking for.
I guess that's one of the founding building block of who I am.

Finding people like this usually needs a little help from God,
because every next step appears backwards.

God lead us.
God bless us.