Double edge

I have never liked Annie dolls.
flavour is what adds colour.
So be flavourful.

For the first half year of this blog I had a tag,
to keep track of who reads this blog.
I changed the layout, and the tracker stopped working.
I asked myself the question,
does it matter if many people read this, or just me?
I found that I didn't want to care,
so I never fixed it.

John 11

John 11
35 "Jesus Wept."
38 "The Jesus, again groaning in Himself, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it."
40 "Jesus said to her, 'Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?'"
43 "Now when He said these things, He cried with a load voice, 'Lazarus, come forth!'"

Mosaic

I can't help but smell spring,
it is running through my veins.
I can't help but let it take over.
It seems spring never comes soon enough.
Happens every time.

Every painting, every piece of artwork,
is affected by the culture,
the struggles of the person who made.
That is why you can't copy artwork perfectly,
the artists hand is biased.

We can have a million of people looking for a gold coin,
but they could all be looking in the wrong field.
Sometimes getting more people involved creates more distraction.

State of mind can do wonders but ...
forced stability creates brittleness.
So many things are learn t in trouble.
Many of my better ideas are set in,
some of the worst days.
Tears and frustration drive the worst and the best.
I think these days are not over, but I have been wrong.

I can see how I could direct this blog more,
but that would involve allot more work,
and I would probably just throw out all those posts anyways.

Trust

Nine Inch Nails Discipline Lyrics
"I need your discipline
I need your help
I need your discipline
You know once I start I cannot help myself"

If left to myself I will be my own destruction.
If I think hard, I will crash and break.
I have looked for something to break me free,
from what other people do.
I see sometimes people depend on their image,
to give them discipline.
I see sometimes people depend on their goals,
to give them discipline.
What happens when you image fails, or your goals become out of reach?
The world will tell us the giving up is failure so don't give up,
and they may be right if directed the right way,
and terrible wrong if directed the wrong way.
The biggest struggles are over those things that are almost right.

I found what I'm looking for.
It's my trust in God and Jesus.
This is far from a blind trust,
but rather a living breathing trust.
I trust that God will destroy my stubbornest toward him,
Though I am never sure what to do,
I pray, continue to ask for help,
and do what I think is right.

Work

It's been a long time since I've done an Enneagram. http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/
Probably since high school.
Turns out I'm still the same,
I am a 5 "THE INVESTIGATOR"
I have to agree with the following

Basic Fear: Being useless, helpless, or incapable
Basic Desire: To be capable and competent
When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress),
detached Fives suddenly become hyperactive and scattered at Seven.

They do not accept received opinions and doctrines, feeling a strong need to test the truth of most assumptions for themselves.

This is something that I've been working on, hard work at times, and I really want to:

Thus, the challenge to Fives is to understand that they can pursue whatever questions or problems spark their imaginations and maintain relationships, take proper care of themselves, and do all of the things that are the hallmarks of a healthy life.

According to the test I also have some 3 "THE ACHIEVER" in me,
and I agree with that, or is it a misdiagnosed 8(growth) it's possible.

I find that I like to discover new areas to investigate. An interesting one is Public speaking, it's funny because when I discover a area I play with it, and so I've played with public speaking it's kinda fun, you should try it sometime. Something I also continue to work on is not caring if I look like a complete retard or not, but mindful of the reasons.

I have to watch myself this is something I wrote.
Things are hard for me right now,
for a variety of external reasons.
But it comes down to I'm tired.
It's allot of work right now,
stopping myself from going down roads,
I don't want to travel.
So I call out to God for release.

God help me.

Seems I have lots to learn yet.
I've found a way to relax,
I got too involved when I should let things go.
Can't change anything anyways.