Happy New Years

God lead us
God bless us

So it's been another year,
and quite the marathon, 36 more posts than last year.
Many thanks to all those who inspired me,
and those that disagreed with me.
A toast to the year that was.
And wow I miss my faster Internet :p.

God Bless us,
I thank you for the year that was
and may the next year be better than the last,
better in your eyes God.
because at the end I will see through your eyes.
From this your creation, to the creator of all.

Playground

I try not to burn any bridges,
I try not to run if I can,
Never again is something I try not to say,
and when I do I usually eat my words.

I'd rather face my fears, look it down if I can,
and see what happens.
I look to see if it's all your saying.
I look to see who's right, and why.
I look to see if something will change,
because I know nothing changes for the better by itself.

I desire truth and search for it, so tell me it.
I desire things I can hang on to and look for them, so show me God.

It may seem that it's me against the world,
me against all these demons that try to control us.
But really it's far from that it's not me against anything,
it's follow the leader, it's a playground where you hold the teachers hand.
Your not here to climb the tallest structure, build the tallest tower, beat up the toughest kid.
I find I have no strength to do these things and I thank God I don't because I would have.

And maybe it's my problem,
maybe i should light some fires.
but I really do not know, the door is kept open,
I save the burning for God.

Rework

My message to myself, to the rest.
I'm feeling a little Winston Churchill ish.
That is stuck to my guns, fighting through.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Roosevelt
God has given me the tools to survive, and he will continue to give me what I need.
I am going to live for my lord not slowing down, not caring what I fit in.
I have a world of opportunity, God can do anything and I believe that.
And I take another step, as I reach for the future.
As you can tell I can get very focused,
And the farther I go the older I feel,
the more I understand people from the past.
I only live once and this is the way I want to live it.

I love straight forward,
simple direct because, I find so many times it doesn't exist,
so all I can do is make guesstamates, and I get tired of it.
But I'll try again, because that's all I can do.

Under the condition;
I can't know everyone so I would rather know a few people well and try to make things work.
I can't do everything so I would rather pick a few things and do them well.
that I can't be someone else, all I can do is what I believe is true.

I know that if I try work for someone else's dream,
if I try to meet someone else's expectation, I find myself dead.

I find never is a strong word, and I find I have no idea how things will change
I feel the restless soul inside of me, so many things I want yet to do,
so many things I have left that I should do, so I propose to do them.
I will lay them down if needed because they hardly reach to top of my priorities.
Nothing seems to be better than to try what I believe, trust God with the rest
and then fail or succeed.
I find myself making more mistakes but how am I suppose to learn?

Some guy in Siberia believes he is Jesus reincarnated, and it works at my soul.
Can you really think so, can you really so mislead, what drives that.
I guess some of us are feed up with the modern world, and turn to what we will.
To bad, the real church hasn't picked you up.

It seems I deep down I like to thwart the world, prove how things are so backwards.
But I find hardly anyone cares, and I find myself in the same boat because
I do not know how to fix things, I do not know what is wrong, and
I don't have the strength to fix things, though I've tried really hard.
So I trust God to lead me down his path,
because really that's the only way things can go, to do any better.

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams page 48 End of ch. 7
"Expect!' said Marvin, 'Oh yes, expect. I'll tell you what they gave me to protect myself with shall I?'
'Yes, alright,' said the battle machine, bracing itself,
'Nothing,' said Marvin.
There was a dangerous pause.
'Nothing?' roared the battle machine.
'Nothing at all,' intoned Marvin dismally, 'not an electronic sausage.'
...
'Hell's bells!' the machine roared as it plummeted fifteen storeys and smashed itself to bits on the ground below.
'What a depressingly stupid machine,' said Marvin and trudged away."

Lace on the skates

Lace on the skates
It's freezing cold, wind is blowing
the ice is hard, with a layer of snow.
Rink all to myself.

I find that there is nothing like it,
and maybe it just a diminishing return,
or maybe it's just on the edge,
... could be reasons, that I like it.

I should really be studying,
should be working, but nah I'd rather enjoy.
Could be inside, but I'm forced to be there, so I'd rather freeze.

So I'll enjoy this freedom, this peace, this cold. :)

John James Friesen

In Line

It's funny how what music I listen to affects what I write about. Today it's Brandon Heath with Tenth Avenue North.

I noticed something today, and it's something I've come to realize and continue to work at. If you want to be good at something, it's all about the details. It's all about memorizing, it's all about doing things neatly and in order. Half attempted, half tried gives you less than half the learning, less than half the result. As soon as started practicing memorizing, started caring about the presentation of my work even if it's just for myself it's surprising how things fall in line. It's surprising how things become so much easier. I guess that's what part of this is about, it forces me to line things up, put some order and record things. Anyway that's just my thoughts.

John James Friesen

Different Cover

So I found some lose paper in my room and I found a rough draft of Sept 7 blog and I remember some of the responses I had to my own words.
"A new perspective, things look different.
Is this me or a different cover"
Just like we have different jackets for different weather we should also have different attitudes for different environments, that kind of struck me. But when you think about it that's the way it always was. It just didn't strike me before.
I was hanging out with some friends from the U and I realized how much of a task oriented person I am. Allot of the strange curiosities that I find in myself I also found in them lol. I need some task some goal that I am working towards.
Now that I think about these things they are "well duh" things. But now that I have narrowed it down I can direct the path a little better. Now I can make choices on what I wear and what my goals are, and consider how these choices are going to affect me. So they might be "well duh" but the realization and now the direction is far from that.

Actually any of this blog, or any of my thoughts are pointless unless It somehow changes things.

Mix

Birthdays should definitely be celebrated on the day before,
celebrating the last day of being one year younger lol.
This is a mix of some things that I have saved as drafts and never posted.

God is very jealous over souls, and he wants mine, and so wants yours.
He has a determination that I can not match, that I can not resist.
He will not be satisfied by some half gift,
He takes out the big tools, if you ask him, until he has the all.
He is intent on answering prayer, if you are intent on asking.
just sometimes it takes some time.
So God I give my earthly desires they are yours, just teach me how.
Teach me to ask from you everything that I need.

From what I've learned
Forgiveness is needed before it is asked for
even if it is never asked for.
Don't judge or put down, that's God job
everyone has there faults even you.
Don't push your ideas,
actually use someone else's if it works.
Don't put limits on people,
rather stretch them.
Work hard at what you do, but don't kill yourself doing it.
We are so lucky to be living now.
Don't wait for something to happen.
Life keeps moving, so ask God what to do
and then do it.

Re-entering

Re-entering the world after constant work feels like crap,
You have now clue when you left, but you do know you left.
You have to figure out everything over again,
from what you used to do, to how to sleep/eat during normal hours.

There are things though that I like,
you see who you are, no holds back.
It seems it would be easy to divide and conquer me
But I find there is always something I hang on to,
and if I don't know what the struggle continues
between me and God,
between what I want and what God wants.
So I choose God.

Never learn anything

I'd rather make a mistake and learn from it
then never learn anything.
The trouble is many times we make a mistake,
and never learn.
The trouble is we lock up after a mistake,
trouble is we go in self defense mode.

So God teach me to learn,
teach me to stay free in the midst of errors,
teach me to learn from you.
God lead us,
God bless us,
God refresh us in this busy time.

Waiting on Advent

Today's devotion from Goshen College:

NOV. 25 - WAITING ON ADVENT


By Jim Brenneman, president

SCRIPTURE: Isaiah 64:1-9 (NRSV)
Scroll down for complete Scripture.

----------

DEVOTIONAL:
"Tear open the heavens and come down!" With these blunt
and fierce words, the prophet Isaiah literally begs God to
make Advent come to pass, now. God's people had waited for
years in exile without sensing God's presence. Isaiah
beseeches God to shake up the world, make the mountains
quake, and frighten all their enemies (64:1-3). Instead,
Isaiah gets silence.

Have you ever felt like Isaiah, or the people of his day,
wondering where in heaven or on earth God is? Have you ever
tried to pray and felt nothing, saw nothing, sensed nothing,
for a long, long, time? Or felt the sad weight of Bob
Dylan's song, "Knock, knock, knocking on heaven’s door," and
no one answers? If so, you’ve entered Advent-time!

We want a loud and noisy Advent with jingle bells. We want
God to enter boldly into life's malls in a bright red suit
for all to see and hear. Instead, God breaks open heaven’s
doors and comes down through the back door of life in
hovels, cow-cribs, and swaddled clothes. God comes all the
way down to the cross, to the grave. We think we want
Almighty God tearing heaven to pieces to display God's
power. Instead, we get what we most need, God-with-us, our
Savior. The hidden God is made known to us each and every
time we open ourselves up to God’s loving forgiveness. Such
an Advent is always worth the wait!

----------

SCRIPTURE: Isaiah 64:1-9 (NRSV)
O that you would tear open the heavens and come down,
   so that the mountains would quake at your presence --
(

(as when fire kindles brushwood
   and the fire causes water to boil -- (

(to make your name known to your adversaries,
   so that the nations might tremble at your presence! (

(When you did awesome deeds that we did not expect,
   you came down, the mountains quaked at your presence.
(

(From ages past no one has heard,
   no ear has perceived,(

(no eye has seen any God besides you,
   who works for those who wait for him. (

(You meet those who gladly do right,
   those who remember you in your ways.(

(But you were angry, and we sinned;
(    because you hid yourself we transgressed. (

(We have all become like one who is unclean,
   and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy cloth. 

You hear none of this

Acts 27
10 And said to them, Sirs, I perceive that this voyage will be disastrous, with much damage, not only to the cargo and ship, but also to our lives.
11 But the centurion believed the pilot and the owner of the ship, more than those things which were spoken by Paul.
...
14 But not long after there arose a tempestuous wind, called the northeaster.
15 And when the ship was caught, and could not make headway into the wind, we let her be driven along.
...
20 And when neither sun nor stars appeared in many days, and no small tempest lay upon us, all hope that we should be saved was abandoned.
21 Then as they had been long without food, Paul stood forth in the midst of them, and said, Men, you should have listened to me, and not have set sail from Crete, and incurred this damage and loss.
22 But now I encourage you to be of good cheer; for there shall be no loss of life among you, but only the ship will be lost.
23 For this night there stood before me an angel of God, whose I am, and whom I serve,
24 Saying, Do not fear, Paul; you must be brought before Caesar: and, lo, God has given you all those who sail with you.
25 Therefore, men, be of good cheer: for I believe God, that it shall be exactly as I was told.
26 Yet we must be cast upon a certain island.
...
34 Therefore I urge you to take food; this is for your strength. Not a hair shall perish from the head of any of you.
35 And when he had spoken thus, he took bread, and gave thanks to God in the presence of them all: and when he had broken it, he began to eat.
36 Then they were all of good cheer, and they also took some food.
37 In all, there were two hundred and seventy-six of us in the ship.
...
40 So they cast off the anchors, and left them in the sea, and loosening the rudder ropes, they hoisted the foresail to the wind, and made for the beach.
41 But striking a sandbar, they ran the ship aground; and the bow stuck fast, and remained immovable, and the stern was broken apart by the violence of the waves.
42 And the soldiers planned to kill the prisoners, lest any of them should swim away, and escape.
43 But the centurion, wanting to save Paul, kept them from their purpose; and commanded that those who could swim should cast themselves first into the sea, and get to land:
44 Then the rest should follow, some on boards, and some on broken pieces of the ship. And so it came to pass, that they all escaped safely to land.

Chapter 28
1 And when they had escaped, then we learned that the island was called Malta.
2 And the native people showed us unusual kindness: for they kindled a fire, and welcomed every one of us, because it had begun to rain and was cold.
3 And when Paul had gathered a bundle of sticks, and laid them on the fire, a viper came out because of the heat, and fastened on his hand.
4 And when the natives saw the creature hanging on his hand, they said to themselves, No doubt this man is a murderer, and though he has escaped the sea, yet justice does not allow him to live.
5 And he shook off the creature into the fire, and suffered no harm.
6 They expected he would have swollen up, or suddenly fallen down dead: but after they watched a great while, and saw no harm come to him, they changed their minds, and said that he was a god.

I could never do that. You notice how many times Paul is 1 inch to the edge. How Paul was saved by destruction only to have to be saved again. That would be really hard. I would be questioning so many things. God why did you tell me about the storm if you knew they wouldn't listen, why did you save me only to be bitten by a poisonous snake, why did you send me to Rome you knew i was going to be in ship wreck. Yet you hear none of this.

God teach us to trust.
God lead us.
God bless us.

John 14

John 14 (WEB)
13 Whatever you will ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
14 If you will ask anything in my name, I will do it.
15 If you love me, keep my commandments.
16 I will pray to the Father, and he will give you another Counselor, that he may be with you forever,—
17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world can’t receive; for it doesn’t see him, neither knows him. You know him, for he lives with you, and will be in you.
18 I will not leave you orphans. I will come to you.
19 Yet a little while, and the world will see me no more; but you will see me. Because I live, you will live also.

I find that neither God's resources,
or his ability to give his gifts,
is the limiting factor.
It is my ability to ask,
I seem to forget to often.

So God teach us to ask,
teach us about what to ask for,
teach us about you,
God lead us
bless us.

Some things come back at the stangest of times

I distinctly remember in grade 8,
when I decided that if I was a Christian,
then I needed to stop centering my life on other things.
That's when I had the most direct attack on my self worth.
Don't remember the words.
I distinctly remember that no matter what was said,
no matter who said it I really didn't care.
It sort of surprised me at first, and I couldn't have done it with out God.
And I remember how God showed me how to turn it around.
I said something completely unrelated,
something that the parties involved would be interested in.
They where left silent and the day moved on.

And really that's how it should be,
It should not matter what other people,
that have harm intended say.
But the words of someone,
who cares about our life,
should cause us to think.

God teach us to be thankful.
God Bless us
God Lead us

I am most definitly going crazy school needs to end soon

The grass always seems green on the other side.
No matter what choice is made there are sacrifices made.
I'm trying to rap my mind around that,
It's not easy.
One thing I do realize, is how much we need God.
Come to the point that, what every you have in mind God is just fine,
and if necessary drag me along lol.
If it leads me away from everything I've worked at,
if it puts me in hard situation,
just give me the strength, and that's fine.
I seem so often to be blind to your work.
Most of the time we are just told the popular,
the fashionable choices.

Oh God
Help us realize how lucky we are.
Bless us,
Lead us,

Mind jabbering

It's here that I'm wrestling with my thoughts
trying to make sense of the mess.
There is some order some sense,

I find beneath this, when at today's end.
I find it's trouble looking straight.
I find what I can't let go.
what I've always done.
Why is it these words that I'm stuck with?
These actions and reactions,
I've overdone and overused,
yet it seems it's all I do.
I need a new angle, a fresh look.
God can give me more.
Maybe I can do something different.
Maybe there is something for me.

I find nothing for me in talk.
I find myself silent, is this me.
I am still struggling, still searching.
Am I to forget about all these words,
No matter in the end anyways,
God takes care.
Maybe that's it,
just need to get that through my head.

Oh God.
Is there something here I need to do.
Is there something that I've messed up,
that you've given me a second chance.
I pray God help me, and I will try my hardest to do it right.
I don't want to retrace these steps.
These words end up being just words,
and they need your holy touch to work.
So touch my life, and touch those around me.
Reach in us and pull out the best.
I thank you that this has given me some rest,
restored my life, I can think again.

A call for everyone

Text of Remarks by President-Elect Barack Obama, Nov. 4, 2008, Chicago, Ill.

"....

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves –- if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time –- to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth –- that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes, we can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America."

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2008/11/barack-obama.html

a choice is made

I find once again words fail and I can't describe what I'm trying to say.

I find so many times, when choice has to be made
they choose to keep pride, keep their image, keep their idea of life
over other people. My question what is really important?
Is my money, my image, my pride worth more than you?

I remember in high school I had a team project,
where one team member gave me work that was lacking in almost every respect.
So I fixed it and handed it in.
When later asked if he was still my friend I said it didn't change things in my mind
I was surprised by the question.
Was it the right thing to do I have no idea.
Maybe there was something else at work.

God Bless us
God Lead us
God Give us strength

Most Necessary

It seems to me that we like to push an edge.
This is what elevates us above others.
It is something that I dislike,
and I try hard to disconnect from myself.
Why do we do it?
I guess we connect it to our self worth.
By being better we are more valuable.
I disagree even though I have done it many times.
So how do we value our self with out putting others down?

We are here for divine purpose and so I am valuable in your eyes God.
There is some divine plan that we are here.
There is some purpose yet to be completed.

1 Corinthians 12 NKJV
19 And if they were all one member, where would the body be?
20 But as it is, there are many members, yet one body.
21 And the eye cannot say to the hand, I have no need of you: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.
22 No, those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are the most necessary:

I think I've crossed here before
words can be said a hundred times and I still won't get it.
Are we waiting for God to open the flood gates of understanding,
or is God waiting for us to let it in?
It seems so often I am waiting,
or is it that I can't see God's work?

So God help me to remember
Help me to carry this through
God lead us
God bless us

The Rock

At this point where I feel I'm close to the end.
Where I can't do anymore, completely done.
It's here that everything else fails.
My usual drugs fail. (Music becomes annoying, friends annoy, food becomes bland, Mind races in endless circles)
I can't do it,
But somehow God you do it.
You put the perspective back in the life,
You put the life back in the walk,
and though things are still the same,
lots still yet to be done,
but it's not the same.
I need you more.
It always amazes me.

God bless us
God lead us

just to important to compromise

So I've learned something in the past while.
I've let my rules go as far as I've dared for a bit.
I realize again how some things are just to important to compromise,
little things, big things they are way to important,
you got to hold on to no matter what.
I remember the last time I walked this way God,
I pray that I don't make the same mistakes again.
In holding something that you shouldn't you sacrifice to much.
I think everyone will be surprised,
when we find out what is important and what is not.

It's funny I really needed to let my rules go a long time ago,
but it took me so long and I needed God to show me how.
I find it's the same with everything, even this blog
it took some time and some external happenings before,
before I was convinced that this is what I could try.

Oh God
You've been teaching me cleaning house, what is important, and what's not.
Help me decipher this mess.
Oh God lead us
Oh God bless
In Jesus name amen.

[WEB] I John 4:1
Beloved, don’t believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

Few arbitrary vendettas

So I've done something I haven't done in awhile reread old blog posts.
It wasn't as bad as I thought lol.

Few arbitrary vendettas that are uncalled for, against tv and other stuff, reasons for these are unclear.
Few repeats and I find some of my ideas for new blogs are really old ones.
Few ones that I remebered
Few ones that speak to me now, many thanks to God.

I came across something today. Sometimes you here people talk about how good things use to be.
How people had value, character, morals ... back in the day. I completely disagree, though there are things we are doing now that are completely wrong that we weren't doing before, they also had their struggles. We chose the frame around the picture. Don't get me wrong I have some old fashion twists but I keep them under wraps most of the time, and I enjoy them. I have heard that the ancient Egyptians made mention of how the youth were corrupt and the future was bleak, man we must be really messed up then ;p.

I guess there would somethings that is hard to record on a blog. How I'm learning to pray in my struggles and actually feel God lift me up. It actually really surprised me the first time when it really shouldn't. How I'm slowing learning to recognize when things are going bad and how to ask God for help.

Today I feel tired of fixing, and yet I'm writing another blog(don't know if it is fixing anything).
So God teach me to just move forward,
not worrying about anything.
God lead us,
God bless us.

This Evening's Meditation C. H. Spurgeon

"Praying in the Holy Ghost."—Jude 20.

MARK the grand characteristic of true prayer—"In the Holy Ghost." The seed of acceptable devotion must come from heaven's storehouse. Only the prayer which comes from God can go to God. We must shoot the Lord's arrows back to Him. That desire which He writes upon our heart will move His heart and bring down a blessing, but the desires of the flesh have no power with Him.
Praying in the Holy Ghost is praying in fervency. Cold prayers ask the Lord not to hear them. Those who do not plead with fervency, plead not at all. As well speak of lukewarm fire as of lukewarm prayer—it is essential that it be red hot. It is praying perseveringly. The true suppliant gathers force as he proceeds, and grows more fervent when God delays to answer. The longer the gate is closed, the more vehemently does he use the knocker, and the longer the angel lingers the more resolved is he that he will never let him go without the blessing. Beautiful in God's sight is tearful, agonizing, unconquerable importunity. It means praying humbly, for the Holy Spirit never puffs us up with pride. It is His office to convince of sin, and so to bow us down in contrition and brokenness of spirit. We shall never sing Gloria in excelsis except we pray to God De profundis: out of the depths must we cry, or we shall never behold glory in the highest. It is loving prayer. Prayer should be perfumed with love, saturated with love—love to our fellow saints, and love to Christ. Moreover, it must be a prayer full of faith. A man prevails only as he believes. The Holy Spirit is the author of faith, and strengthens it, so that we pray believing God's promise. O that this blessed combination of excellent graces, priceless and sweet as the spices of the merchant, might be fragrant within us because the Holy Ghost is in our hearts! Most blessed Comforter, exert Thy mighty power within us, helping our infirmities in prayer.

Really only God should matter and his will

"I guess it's me,
you put me in box, I try to break it.
If everyone is doing something I'll try something else."

This seems to be something I hold against the rest of the world, and God is teaching me to let go. It seems to pop up once and awhile. I realize the falsehood, by trying to break the box that is put on you, your putting yourself in a box. Really only God should matter and his will. By rebelling your letting the rest of the world control you. If they want you to do something they will make it appear otherwise so you rebel. There are times when you need to follow and times you need to rebel.
It shouldn't matter if someone puts you in a box or not, because you are following God, and that's it.

Typical Mute Math

I had a great church service,
God lead me in ways, he never has,
I find myself becoming jealous of the wise men and shepherds
How I wish I could be them,
travel to see the Saviour of the world
See the God made flesh with my own eyes.

And day turns into evening,
and I'm starting to doubt
starting to reverse.
I doubt all that's happened.
Put on old eyes,
and think about how silly such thinking is.
So I pray that God
break this shell,
help me see you.
Break this unbelief.
I know it will return,
but again I will call on you,
you are a fountain that never runs dry.
Thank you God

"‘Cause I know there’s got to be another level
Somewhere closer to the other side
And I’m feeling like it’s now or never
Can I break the spell of the typical

I’ve lived through my share of misfortune
And I’ve worked in the blazing sun
But how long should it take somebody
Before they can be someone"
Typical Mute Math

I guess it's me,
you put me in box, I try to break it.
If everyone is doing something I'll try something else.
I'd much rather hang out with real people than the typical.
How do I determine typical or real well I have no idea, but I can sure feel it.
Maybe it's the blocks set up, maybe it's the vulnerability.

Title: Brandon Heath - Wait And See lyrics

"I was born in Tennessee, late July humidity doctors said I was lucky to be alive
I’ve Been troubled since the day that I got here, troubled to the day I disappear
That’ll be the day that I finally get it right

There is hope, for me yet, because God won’t forget, all the plans he’s made for me
I have to wait and see, he’s not finished with me yet, he’s not finished with me yet

I never really was that good in school. Talked to much, broke the rules
My teachers thought I was a hopeless fool all right.
I don’t know how but I made it through, it’s one of those things you gotta do
I always had a knack for telling the truth.

There is hope, for me yet, because God won’t forget, all the plans he’s made for me
I have to wait and see, he’s not finished with me yet, he’s not finished with me yet

Still wonerin’ why I’m here. Still wrestling with my fear
But oh….He’s up to something,
And the farther out I go, I’ve seen enough to know that I’m not here for nothin’
He’s up to somethin’

So here’s my time to be a man, follow my heart as far as I can
No tellin’ where I’m ending up tonight
I never slow down or so it seems, but singing my heart is one of my dreams
All I gotta do is hold on tight.

There is hope, for me yet, because God won’t forget, all the plans he’s made for me
I have to wait and see, he’s not finished with me yet, he’s not finished with me yet
He’s not finished with me yet, He’s not finished with me yet"

God teach me to trust you
teach me to follow you
teach me about you
God bless us
God lead us

Real House

God leads you to this point, where you take a look at your self and realize all you can't do, you realize your humanness, how you are just made up of atoms of this world. You look and see all the scars, the impossibilities. You know I can't really describe the place, but I do know that it is powerful.

Out of that place God starts building a real house, one that really keeps the rain out, you won't see the foundation again (you won't see yourself this way again), and once the foundation is set there is no turning back it is set in stone.

Though some of the bricks are hard to lay down, God is insistent on building the house, and really all you got to do is hang on.

fairness, equality, 50-50

I have come to believe that fairness, equality, 50-50 etc, are figments of our imagination. They do not exist. There is acceptable and unacceptable, right and wrong, but to say that there is a place where both people think they are giving half, where all parties give(and believe that they are giving) equal amounts i believe does not exist. Human nature, greed, and how this world works say to me that it doesn't.

If you look at Jesus's life you see nothing about fairness. It is all about giving. To me there is only what we can and can not do. Only what we are called and not called to do.

We should not feel guilty or make other people feel guilty for what they can't do. We should not feel guilty or make other people feel guilty for what they aren't called to do. Who know maybe what they are doing no matter how small my have huge consequences that we are unable to see, but only God can see. Who know maybe God set the restriction for some divine purpose. We really do not and can not see the bigger picture. I believe there is method to all this madness and we aren't the ones to impose it.

Convince ourselves

Matthew 19:8+9
8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it has not been so.

Matthew 12
10 And behold there was a man with a withered hand. They asked him, “Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath day?” that they might accuse him.
11 He said to them, “What man is there among you, who has one sheep, and if this one falls into a pit on the Sabbath day, won’t he grab on to it, and lift it out?
12 Of how much more value then is a man than a sheep! Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath day.”
13 Then he told the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out; and it was restored whole, just like the other.

http://www.lucifereffect.com/guide_intro.htm
"Finally, all these sources of social influence are imposed from the outside in, from assorted influence agents on individuals or groups. One of the most powerful forms of influence is self-persuasion, where conditions are set up that encourage individuals to engage in personal thought and decision processes. Obviously we tend to know our strengths and weaknesses better than do others, so we can tailor self-generated persuasive messages likely to be effective. One tactic for inducing self-persuasion comes from role-playing positions that are contrary to one’s beliefs and values. Also when we are resolving a commitment we have made to engage in public behavior that does not follow from our personal beliefs, cognitive dissonance is created. To the extent that we come to believe we made that commitment freely, without (awareness of) external situational pressures, we start to rationalize it and come to convince ourselves that it was the right action and the right position to hold."

I wonder how many things we decree out of the hardness of our hearts, how many rules we create to control other people. How we convince ourselves we are right.

You know how to heal

The leaves fall, the wind sends a chill, seasons change again. This dirt in my hands runs through my veins and reminds me that I am human.

The world calls out for me to prove myself, as if it's going to right all the wrongs.

It's funny how things work. Has no logic, order, or sequence. Discovered fear once again, trying once again.

My disconnect between my brain, emotions, and actions once again realized.

Oh God
You know how to heal,
So heal this broken person,
So heal this broken land.

Value

"You can live with out being controlled by others
Your self worth doesn't have to be determined by others.
and really I'm not cut out for being popular."

So I decided to be myself.
So I decided to find better rules.
I tried to live by what I can do,
tied my value to my ability to preform,
soon found out I never can be great,
never can be something of value.
Ability soon disappears,
is never remembered past the moment.
I realize that I make to many mistakes.

I moved on,
I was going to hold on to my secrets,
hold everything against the rest of the world.
God was good enough to show me the faults,
You fall into a circle of self destruction.
There is no point in holding it back,
no man is an island,
we owe allot to each other.

I realize that I will
never be popular,
never be great,
never hold it all back.

So God everything is yours
even this
full of it's contradictions,
vague descriptions,
unclear meanings,
lies, and errors.

I tie myself to you
So teach me to leave my sin behind,
teach me to trust,
give me more of what I can't take right now.
stretch me beyond my limits,
just be there like you always are,
pick me up, break these fears.
teach me to overcome.
God bless us
God lead us

Still working it out.

I remember in grade school
How I realized how all my efforts
in trying to be popular, wanting to be at the top
or as close to as possible; How those desires were useless.
I guess I saw a glimpse of the power in what Jesus had to offer.
You can live with out being controlled by others
Your self worth doesn't have to be determined by others.
and really I'm not cut out for being popular.
So I decided to be myself.
So I decided to find better rules.
I am still trying to figure out what that means
I am still trying to figure out how to play it out.

Here is where something new comes in,
Every time you put anything before God,
even yourself, your deepest instinct before God,
you fall down a slippery slope.
Read the post on Tues Sept 16,
and you will see how close I come, if not step over that line.
It isn't the first time, and it creates allot of trouble.

1 Corinthians 2:12
"Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God."

I would like to replace deepest instinct with Spirit from God in that quote by Katharine Butler Hathaway.

I guess that's my hope for everyone.
That we can lose chains that hold us here
That stop the almighty from his work
We need God's help more than we can imagine.

Difference

So I think I should be taking a break, I'm going to make to many mistakes.

So I've realized how much of what I read is stuff written by post-modern thinkers.
I wonder how this affects what I think, how I see the world, how it blinds me.
The truth is in many ways it is a post-modern world.

This is how I understand the difference.

The modern thinker sees the world as a puzzle to solve, and once it is answered, his job is to tell everyone the answer, and get people to join his cause. He tends to think more about individual ideas and individual people. A modern looks for the truth, he will argue forever to prove his point.

The post-modern person see's the world as a place where all the visible problems have an answer yet the world is still the same. A post-modern looks for something they can taste, touch, feel. They have been lied to many times. A post-modern will agree with everything you say yet can still disagree. A post-modern can believe something even though it is false just because they can feel it.

As you can probably tell I have strong post-modern ideas. It is true knowing the answer alone does not change a thing. We've been told that science, medicine, industrialization, religion will solve our problems, when really they can't and God never said they would.

Revelation 3
"17 Because you say. 'I am rich have become wealthy, and have need of nothing' -and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked--
18 I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see."

These days answers are a dime a dozen. So don't tell people why your idea is better but show them.

To modern person it is all about professional presentation.
To a post-modern it is all about being real, joy and pain.
So you can see how they clash.

So God give us real gold
cover us in white
and heal our eyes

Lead me in search for truth

These are statements that I find powerful
They are not a cornerstone.

-to truly live you have to be ready to die
-never lie to yourself

I continue trying to understand what they mean.
I believe it is much more than just saying your ready to die.
or committing suicide.
It is an actual search.
It is a journey with an end.

These statements lead me to search for value
These statements lead me in search for truth

Luke 9:24
"For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever will lose his life for my sake, the same will save it."

John 12:
44 Jesus cried out and said, “Whoever believes in me, believes not in me, but in him who sent me.
45 He who sees me sees him who sent me.
46 I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in me may not remain in the darkness.
47 If anyone listens to my sayings, and doesn’t believe, I don’t judge him. For I came not to judge the world, but to save the world.
48 He who rejects me, and doesn’t receive my sayings, has one who judges him. The word that I spoke, the same will judge him in the last day.
49 For I spoke not from myself, but the Father who sent me, he gave me a commandment, what I should say, and what I should speak.
50 I know that his commandment is eternal life. The things therefore which I speak, even as the Father has said to me, so I speak.”

Extol God

The forest before me
large trees and thick cover.
the sun shines through and
I get glimpses of the other side
so far away, yet right here
I want to get through,
but there seems to be no path.
All my attempts have left me here
I believe there is a way through
so I will keep at it
I've been told I don't give up

Something happens in that moment
when you give all you can to someone.
You get good idea of who they are,
better than what words can say
from that point on there are only two paths.
One that leads away,
and the other well is something
only God can describe.

God renews, refreshes, and always leads on
no matter what happens.

And old dilemma returns

When should you be nice?
When should you prove a point?
When should you walk away?
When is it useful to fight the idea?

When should you play hard ball?

I've heard this before and I think there is something to it.
If your defending yourself you should walk away
If your defending someone stick around.

Some people talk for fear of hearing someone else talk.
Some people brag for fear of looking in the mirror.
Some people are busy for fear of listening to themselves.

"Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself."
Friedrich Nietzsche

I'm sure you've all seen it done
people debate a subject,
they talk allot,
when it's done nothings really changed,
and nobody really planned on it.
It teaches you to be confident in your ideas,
but that's about it.
Convincing somebody is done on a whole different level.

Maybe I'm stuck in my own world,
or maybe I'm to practical.
I have been accused of that.

"It is only by following your deepest instinct that you can lead a rich life, and if you let your fear of consequence prevent you from following your deepest instinct, then your life will be safe, expedient and thin." Katharine Butler Hathaway

"Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt." William Shakespeare
just for you

"What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it." Krishnamurti

God lead us.
God bless us.

I can't hold back God

This world is full of experiences, many of which are hard to explain.
I find anything I can't explain,
anything I can't deal with,
anything that leaves my clueless on what to do,
I tend to shove it in a closet and lock the door.
There are many distractions I use to ignore,
many ways to cover up.
But everything I hid comes back again,
everything I want to forget works it's way up.
I can't lock things up forever,
I can't hold back God.
It's in that moment when the fighting is the fiercest,
God is fighting for me.

God bless us.
God lead us.

I realize my inadequacy

I realize my inadequacy of my words to describe what I think.
I realize my inadequacy of what I think compared with what should be thought.
I realize my inadequacy to understand what the almighty is trying to tell me.
I realize my inadequacy to understand what's around me.
I realize my inadequacy of my brain to comprehend even simple things.
Then you soon find out how far my words are from what should be,
and so I try and try again.

Effects

So I was going to write a post on everyday drugs and how we need them, and how I thought they were unnecessary, but well there are more important things.

So you may be wondering why I have chosen to post this picture. Not the most flattering, it's just that I figured something out that was puzzling me.

I have recently added Mr. Beans Holiday to my movie collection and after the second, or third time watching it I figured it out. Mr. Bean(Rowan Atkinson) does the same thing when his picture is taken. Lol To think Mr. Bean has affected me somewhere in the subconsciouses level lol. That is just to funny.

I find part of life is finding the right heroes and finding out what we can learn from them. This usually happens at the same time for me. A hero to me is someone has something to teach the rest of us.

If you watch the extra features, you hear how dedicated Rowan Atkinson is. How he puts so much energy into what he does. That is something I can learn from, how if you work hard and care about what you do it will appear that you don't work at all. When you care about the result and not being recognized by the effort.

Blog

So God told me this blog was taking a new direction, and me being me came up with like 20 new things I could do. But it turns out it wasn't really up to me, it was already changing.
I find silence about our struggles is a strong enemy. Who am I trying to impress anyways, I'm not impressed by cold people. So here you have it.

General

A new perspective, things look different.
Is this me or a different cover
The road is stony where to go.
My checks throw a red flag.
Am I becoming what I hate.
(A self conceited, goal oriented, workaholic)
What do I keep, What do I throw away?
I do know I have never prayed so hard,
never been so open, never stepped so far across the lines,
never had suck refusal to be put down.

Oh God I am weak
and I owe you everything
I don't want either side
show me the straight and narrow
show me your way
give me your strength.

You have promised you are on the other side
You will take care of me,
I have nothing to fear because you have conquered all.
why do I fear?
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for calming my soul.
Thank you for guiding me even when things where hard
Thank you for being here.

The road continues

The road pulls ahead,
and the journey continues.
I rely on God making me resilient.
I keep hoping and fighting,
I keep the end in sight.

I hope it's not to late,
to say what I mean.
All the way down under,
on the other side of this world
I wonder if things are still the same.
Or is it just me that's crazy.

This road has many more twists I'm sure ,
I will deal with them as they come
no need to worry now.
I have angst against people
telling me my ideas are stupid in what ever way it's said,
I've spent way to much time,
evaluating their ideas to see if there's any truth to what they say.
I'm taking your words at first glance.
Your soul as backing,
and the rest of the work to change my mind is in God's hands
I find logic and evaluation leads you to a corner with no way out.

Ideas are plenty,
comments are a never ending flood.
Their worth is almost nothing.
It's time that determines the truth.
Only a few things last forever.

God lead me.

I shouldn't expect them to

Some people just don't seem to understand, and I guess I shouldn't expect them to.
Your advice seems to be for yourself.
I am who I am and and thank God only he can change that.
This years battles are dwarfed by the ones of the past.
Can't you see that I'm doing fine.
I'm deep in thought it's not because my life is falling apart
It's just that things are moving and God is working.
Everyone's different so why do you expect that I'm the same.
So let me make my own mistakes,
because I'm living my life.

Don't you see that words are cheep and the more you repeat the less their worth.

Don't you understand words are just the medium, it's your motives that count.
Your not supposed to live by logic it is just a tool.

Don't you see that people care more about how you treat them then what you think.

So many things uncertain

I find again there are so many things to hard to understand,
so many things uncertain.
I am left flip flopping experimenting,
seeing what works, and yet I have no clue.
I pray and you answer me in your mercy and grace
"follow me".
I find I care less about what I know,
I find I care less about what direction I'm going,
knowing that I am in the hand of God and
there is little i can do for him to let me go.
Who really cares, this life is so short and I have a Saviour that will forgive.
So God I pray that you would leave my worrying, my fussing, fear behind and teach me to trust.

Million more to go

It's felt like I've traveled a million miles this summer, and there's a million more to go. God is intent on his transformation and I pray he completes it even though it will take a life time.

I remember the night I started my rebellion against the rules of culture, it had it's roots in how people destroy each other. I find the weight of the world crushes you. We can't stop our destructive nature.

God seems to repeatedly teach me to let it all go and trust Jesus. A road of discovery of the basics of human living and who we are.

Put on hold

I'm putting this blog on hold for a bit, if your looking for a post check the previous months.

It seems as though the struggle continues.

I flip through these old pages,
I see pictures of the past and wonder.
It seems as though the struggle continues.
Am I bridging the gap
of acceptance and isolation, cowardice and bravery.
New lines are being drawn
and the first skirmishes are seen of power and money
I had found that I have prepared well
but do I want to go to battle.
I have a history of making my own rules
making my own battles, but to what end.
Do I really know more about this fight?
Am I going to make the same mistakes?
I find again that I have no desire to be king,
no desire for the prizes offered,
and it is very easy to be cynical and cast my condemnation,
but that never gets anywhere.
I am left wondering what am I to do.
What am I to fight for?
I am on my knees again asking for guidance and strength.
I pray hard that God will forgive and he would leave my blindness behind,
because I am in need of his help.

The path clears

The path clears and wo
I find I've never been here before.
I feel a little uneasy,
feel a little excited.
Not sure what to think.
Do I run out into the open
or test the grass slowly, no need
This is something here.
Something that moved the heavens,
a bigger power than what I'm used to,
a pouring of rain that saturates me.
I am left gasping for air and confused.
What is this place?
What am I doing here?
Is this the home I've looked for?
Is this what my soul has longed for?
A place that is unshakable,
yet shakes me to the core.
A place of ultimate beauty
but a chilling breath of truth.
It cuts deep, and I realize
the insignificance of my reality,
compared with divine purpose.
What am I made for?
Why do I have nothing left?
"Now is when you have all."
"Now is when you are free."
I thank Jesus for leading me here,
and we continue on.

What if doing everything right is not enough?

God seems to teach me over and over again that you can do nothing with out God. All my efforts are useless with out him.

What if doing everything right is not enough? What if going back and changing mistakes wouldn't change a thing we would only make the mistake somewhere else? What if events aren't only controlled by our actions but by a God that truly wants to change us?

So God I can do nothing. You are ruler of all.

I do not know if what I post is right, wrong, or crazy but I do know I will continue until God says to stop. It has this unique ability that helps me, especially when I've seemed to have jammed the gas pedal at full throttle.

Never miss a beat

I resolve to remember everything.
I have this moment once,
everything is set in stone
an unchangeable past that brought me here
I have only one river to cross, one price to pay,
I resolve to never forget.

Weary from praying

I find myself completely exhausted
completely drained from pouring out my concerns to you
I find myself weary from praying.
Then you pick me up give me a little more
So I can continue to ask you to bring a little more heaven
over here on earth.

Pull me along

Pull me along
Lift my soul
for you have created a passion
to walk to road less traveled of fact and fiction
to journey to the heights and expanses
Give me strength and courage
to leave these old walls that I have created
and truly open my world to you wonders
For you are found a million miles away and right here.
Where your greatest work can be the slightest change of heart
Lead me in your ways because we are in need of your guidance Oh God.

C.H. Spurgeon, Morning by Morning, August 5

"We know that all things work together for good to them that love God." Romans viii. 28.
Upon some points a believer is absolutely sure. He knows, for instance, that God sits in the stern-sheets of the vessel when it rocks most. He believes that an invisible hand is always on the world's tiller, and that wherever providence may drift, Jehovah steers it. That re-assuring knowledge prepares him for everything. He looks over the raging waters and sees the spirit of Jesus treading the billows, and he hears a voice saying, "It is I, be not afraid." He knows too that God is always wise, and, knowing this, he is confident that there can be no accidents, no mistakes; that nothing can occur which ought not to arise. He can say, "If I should lose all I have, it is better that I should lose than have, if God so wills: the worst calamity is the wisest and the kindest thing that could befall to me if God ordains it." "We know that all things work together for good to them that love God." The Christian does not merely hold this as a theory, but he knows it as a matter of fact. Everything has worked for good as yet; the poisonous drugs mixed in fit proportions have worked the cure; the sharp cuts of the lancet have cleansed out the proud flesh and facilitated the healing. Every event as yet has worked out the most divinely blessed results; and so, believing that God rules all, that He governs wisely, that He brings good out of evil, the believer's heart is assured, and he is enabled calmly to meet each trial as it comes. The believer can in the spirit of true resignation pray, "Send me what thou wilt, my God, so long as it comes from thee; never came there an ill portion from Thy table to any of Thy children."

"Say not my soul, 'From whence can God relieve my care?'
Remember that Omnipotence has servants everywhere.
His method is sublime, His heart profoundly kind,
God never is before His time, and never is behind."

Flying Days

The day is gone,
I find myself getting older
clinging to the present,
only God is my guide.

The weeks are come and gone, and my life is still the same
So much wanting and impatience.
Can't hold to this sand,
only to the mountain of God.

I find my self doing things I never would,
I have determined that I'm crazy
wishing for normal
but God always leads on.

There are so many mistacks and regrets,
they pill behind me
in never ending cycles,
Jesus always cleans the mess.

If these days have come and gone
and I am left with empty hands
I will praise the Lord for he is good,
because all I wanted was sand that has washed away,
but now I have a friend
that never lets go.

The rock keeps on rolling,
and time keeps on moving,
never asks a question why.
God knows best so I wouldn't change a thing.

This is a prayer that I have used and I find it effective
"God this isn't working, if it is your will I need your help, if not you have to end it."
I have found the last few posts hard to post for what ever reason, maybe because they say allot about me, or they could be taken the wrong way. Don't quite know. Meh they are posted anyways.

"I will work harder"

"He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it." Matthew 10:39 NKJV

"His answer to every problem, every setback, was "I will work harder" - which he had adopted as his motto" George Orwell Animal Farm

God is gracious to us. I have noticed quite a few times how stuck on an idea I can be. It seems that the only way to convince me of something is to give me a really solid argument and time, either that or God has to convince me. My prayer to God is that when there is a problem that I would look to him when I would want to be stuck in my mentality.

God thank you for all you have done for us, we need you. Help us live for you.

The Divide that Binds (people/friends/family)

Conventional thinking has it that in natural selection survival of the fittest will create the ultimate survivor(and we would like it to be humans lol), and for some people I know that is what they believe. Life is all about a competition with everyone around them. Eugène N. Marcus disagrees, there is no ultimate survivor, or person that rules all, for every tool we gain we lose a tool. Our brain has giving us the ability to do things we never imagined but we depend on one another. Without being taught how to survive and being alone a human would not last very long, unlike other animals where they will know how to live from birth. This tool of working together has many strength's but it also has it's weaknesses. Working together creates a network of trust and dependence on each other, which when broken shows our many weaknesses. C.S. Lewis gives an interpretation of hell as an infinite city of almost empty buildings because no one wants to be neighbors with each other. If we would lose our natural need for each other would we still stay together?

Happiness is not found in toys, I've believed that for awhile but I've had trouble finding where to find happiness. I tried hard to find it by myself but God is the one who had to show me. For me it is far from the TV/computer (which just seem to be time sinks, but they do have there place and I have found they can teach you lots. To use as entertainment they have there place but for me I have to be careful). I find for me I like getting so involved with things that I don't notice the passing of time, eg creating things (even though it can be tearably frustrating and time consuming). I believe God loves releasing peoples spirit so they can find themselves in him.

The divide that binds. We humans are so different. We are as Paul describes in Romans 12:14 "For we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function,"

Dear God we are poor and needy, teach us to live together, teach us how to do the impossible and overcome evil with good(Romans 12:15). Give us more then we need to do your will so that we have no choice :). Bless all your servants and help them learn from you.

The storm clouds are forming

Today you get the third blog I wrote up this weekend. I decided to scratch the others (even though I didn't really want to post this one) . No internet and busier weekend can do that. Maybe they will come tomorrow ;P.

The storm clouds are forming.
The waters are rising
Old enemies have returned from hiding
There are voices telling me to give up
telling me there is no hope
I remember the blessings of God
When things went right.
So I hold to the promise that God is in control
Remember the good forget the bad,
but it is just so hard some times so God help me.
Soon I find myself playing with insects that are on my screen
and everything is fine and I know God is here.

Faith

Luke 18:1-8 (New International Version)

The Parable of the Persistent Widow

1Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. 2He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. 3And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.'

4"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, 5yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!'

6And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. 7And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"

This is one area that God has changed in me, in my walk with him, and in other areas. It then become necessary to find the balance being persistent and what to forget about. Persistence has the ability to forget about people, but if your not persistent you will never get anything done.

Teach me to hear your voice, remember/believe what you tell me, and do what you say.

John James Friesen

Red Letter Days

There is so much baggage that we bring along, so many ideas that we cling to as if they are us. As if we let them go we die. I find God breaking them and showing me his way. I find my ideas on progress, friends, family, people, me, faith and more changed. Lots of ideas that I had formed and fixed in my mind, that I had built to be supporting members of my thoughts and actions are mistakenly wrong. One of Satan's strongest temptations for Christians is almost truths. Why do we fight change so much? Why are we so scared to change our idea's? I guess we are scared that we will lose everything we have worked for, which well is really nothing. So God give us Red Letter days where we start living for you. Where we listen to you.

Working on Progress

I find life is always moving forward allot like Weekend Amnesia (Revolution Void found on Jamendo). Deep down in my soul I feel excited for the future. I can't wait for God to lead me. God is truly leading me down the path not taken and well I wouldn't have it any other way because anything I dream up is really boring in comparison. I asked God that I could learn to hear his voice, know his voice and, that I would follow it no matter what and well I still have allot of learning to do but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I find that he truly does give me everything I need if I ask. I have no idea what will happen tomorrow let alone next year but I know that God will lead me and the road well, will be a fun ride :). I find myself completely changing my way of thinking, my way of acting, my way of seeing the world. There are allot of things that are hard to do (because they are so strange or new) but I pray that God will give me strength to push me over the edge and just follow him. I have decided to follow everything that I think God is telling me to do and trust that if it isn't his will he will smack me in the face and force me to turn around (I have found this great logic to live by), and really compared to eternity this life isn't worth much anyway so meh i give it all.

This is something you see in Winnipeg every spring the trash that was covered with snow reappears when the snow melts. Nobody could see the trash in the winter but in the spring we can see how tidy we've been or how messy we've been.
The same can be with our own lives there are time when it is easy to hid stuff in the mess of life but it will come back some day so we should try to be clean and tidy things up don't let it build up in the snow, because it will come back.
God teach us to be tidy and clean up things up.

Been awhile

So it turns out that I haven't posted anything here for 2 weeks. School has been really busy and well there has been other distractions. Today I'm going to talk about friendship.

What defines a friendship and what makes it work? See I have this problem and I compare my friendships here on earth with mine relationship with God and well then these earthly things always fall short. When I think of my experiences well a few things come to mind. Friendship should be more than just being able to stand each other it should be being able to have fun together. I know first hand that to make it work you need more than just being nice, you have to agree on a world view or life ideas (I don't know what to call it but its how you see the world/make sense of it). Of course no one will have exactly the same, but they have to be close enough that you can at least understand.

God has been helping me figure stuff out the past two days its been pretty sweet, I thank God for that and for who ever has been praying for me. God Bless

John James Friesen

Rules

I find myself in the same position I have been before and am trying to find a new way out. I find that I create rules so that I can be who I want to be, and it turns out that eventually these rules overwhelm me, till I give up and . I decided that I am going to let lots rules go but continue to try to be who I want. I guess I can see the rules getting in the way of a new picture that I see. So I decide that I am going to let them go and follow my dreams, leaving anything I see fit behind.

Peace Out
John James Friesen

Right where I am

Lately I have found myself in this motion that leads me on. I find myself moving but having not knowing why or where this is leading me but I keep moving. I find that I am doing things I wouldn't normally do, trying new things, leaving old stuff behind. I guess this motion comes from me giving God everything and telling him you have complete control. It seems as though life isn't asking me any questions any more and just going ahead. I find I wouldn't trade this for the world.

It's feeling like Spring

I've been feeling the Spring even though it is still -cold.

I was just thinking how inadequate I am. How anything I have ever done right is thanks to God, because I can see how I fall short all the time. I thank God so much for saving me, and you know what, thinking about it I wouldn't have it any other way, because if I was actually better, smarter, more athletic ... then I could elevate myself above other people like we as humans do so many times, and if you want to know me that is one thing I have hated as long as I can remember and most of my life has me struggling with what exactly I am supposed to do which I have also fail at except when God helped me. It is probably why I hate many things it is because I see it stemming back to this. So I thank God for his amazing power to change people like me, lately I've found prayer a really effective tool it has amazed me. God Bless.

I was blind, now I see

I do not know whether he is a sinner. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see. John 9:25

This verse hit me. It is sort of the faith that I feel like I have now. I don't trust in facts or convincing arguments. They have been tried on me but still my faith remains because there is a few things that I know in life and this is one thing that I believe I was blind (realizing how much I do not know and God is the only one who knows), now I see (or at least a little better than before) not in the physical sense but the the way Jesus talks about it verse 39. I feel that is my testemony to the world not some list of facts or convincing arguments but the truth that I was blind, now I see just like the blind man.

Funny thing

It's a funny thing we got going here. We are always reaching for the next height, the next big paycheck the next drug high, the next award, the next party, the next accomplishment, it seems we can never be pleased as humans. This works very well with our society we have every one wanting to be the best and we have the people who are the best not able to take the pressure or the life because it is designed for the super humans that no one is. I disagree with this system because it gives an idea of hope where there is no hope, it pretends to answer question when it really asks them. The problem is that humans need motivation to feed our selves, and to help others, and to survive this world. What I'm trying to say is that, the next big thing is a poor motivator, what should motivate us instead is a passion for what we do. This is harder because it leaves us open to be hurt, but i think it is really the only choice that we do have. So I will continue my journey teaching myself to have passion for every thing I do, because it is not something you can change like that.

Good Devolution

Today's devotion from Goshen College:

FEB. 14 - TO A PLACE WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE


By Bryce Bow, a junior physical education major from Muncie,
Ind.

SCRIPTURE: Romans 4:1-5, 13-17 (NRSV)
Scroll down for complete Scripture.

DEVOTIONAL:
Imagine (Yes, I'm asking you to really focus, really use
your imagination!). Imagine, right now, you are a homeless
person, living under a bridge in, say, downtown Chicago.
It's cold out, extremely cold. Your clothes are tattered and
dirty. Your hair is nappy, you haven't showered in a long
time and your hungry because it's been days since you last
had anything to eat. You're in pain, more than physical
pain. A deep, throbbing pain circulates through your whole
body, almost as if your soul hurts. It starts to rain. A
cold wind sweeps through and blows your small fire out. All
you can feel is pain, the cold and the tears running down
your face. Stop for a second and really put yourself there.

Just then, a limo pulls up and the door opens. A man is
sitting inside and he invites you in. You accept in hopes
that whatever is in the limo is better than your current
situation. The man inside offers you a hot beverage and some
warm clothes. His smile warms the deepest parts of your
soul. You laugh together and drive; time has lost its
importance. When the limo stops, you look out the window.
There is a beautiful, sparkling lake, almost from a book.
The man hands you a set of keys.
"What's this?" you ask, with a smile.
"It's yours," he says.
"What's mine?"
"Everything," he says, with a chuckle.
You look closer at the keys: for a boat, a house, a car.
For the desires of your heart.
"Do you accept?" he asks, with a smile.
No words will come out. "Why? What did I do?" you ask
yourself. "I don't deserve this. You slowly take the keys.
"I'll be right next door if you need anything," the man
says, smiling still. You have too many emotions: confusion,
excitement, joy, love.

Grace. Our Creator loves us so much that he wants to spend
eternity, the rest of forever, with us. Yes, with us. "Me?"
some may ask. Yes, everyone; there are no exceptions. Our
God wants to take us "out of the depths," to a place words
cannot describe, a place that our minds cannot conceive.
Why? Because of love. Yes, love. It's really that simple.
It's a free gift. We cannot "earn" it, but can only accept
it. Take the keys. Accept the gift. You'll be glad you did.

SCRIPTURE: Romans 4:1-5, 13-17 (NRSV)
What then are we to say was gained by Abraham, our
ancestor according to the flesh? For if Abraham was
justified by works, he has something to boast about, but not
before God. For what does the scripture say? ‘Abraham
believed God, and it was reckoned to him as righteousness.'
Now to one who works, wages are not reckoned as a gift but
as something due. But to one who without works trusts him
who justifies the ungodly, such faith is reckoned as
righteousness.

For the promise that he would inherit the world did not
come to Abraham or to his descendants through the law but
through the righteousness of faith. If it is the adherents
of the law who are to be the heirs, faith is null and the
promise is void. For the law brings wrath; but where there
is no law, neither is there violation.

For this reason it depends on faith, in order that the
promise may rest on grace and be guaranteed to all his
descendants, not only to the adherents of the law but also
to those who share the faith of Abraham (for he is the
father of all of us, as it is written, ‘I have made you the
father of many nations') -- in the presence of the God in
whom he believed, who gives life to the dead and calls into
existence the things that do not exist. 

Breath this cold air

I find listening to God is allot like a cold winter day for me. The first bit is hard, you have to get used to the cold, all the fears of doing something new, all the fear of stepping off the ledge, the first few breaths catch you off guard and frozen. As you learn you get used to it, things you never thought you would, and then just when you got it licked he shows you something new and you got to step outside all over again. He makes you feel all your weakness, all that is impossible for you, and all that is possible for God. Thank you God for all this and I pray that you be with me and help me when things are tough and I can't see this change, want to turn back, force me forward what ever the cost push me to those high hill not letting the past hold me down because that is all that really matters anyways. God bless me and all those I care about. Bless everyone that follows you and give then something special from you.

shake these chains

I guess what gets me down the most of all things, is I can see how we could be doing things better but we arn't. I see people working hard at making things better and I find myself and others, not doing anything because we do not want to or we just don't have resources. There is a limit to how much we can give. I guess it is because I know of a case where the people are giving everything and it isn't enough. I guess that is why we need God, and why this earth is not the end.

There is one thing I look forward to and that is the shake these chains of this world and laugh at my attempts to do anything right and run to the lord of all.

Leaving things behind

Sometimes you got to move forward. Get ride of stuff you wanted to give up for a long time. Here is something that hit me this week in a devotional that I read.

However, when those primal desires, as good as they were created to be, begin to woo us away from God, separate us from others, or distance us from God's best intentions for us, then soul death soon awaits us (Genesis 2:17).

For me this has hit me in the area of friends. Why do I have friends and why do I hang out with the people I do? I have decided that I will hang around with people who I am not afraid to make a complete fool of myself. I have always had the desire to hang around with cool people, groups that I feel I have to keep fighting to stay in, but now I have decided that I don't really care and I'm going to ignore that urge.

One Year

wow one year is a long time, I don't even remember my first blog, or anything about when I started this. Celebrations all around. Have a good one.
This is the Author, saying God Bless.
John James Friesen.

Fits Together or Apart

I am trying to clear up what I've been getting at in my prev, blogs when I talk about robots.
I guess what I'm trying to distinguish between how we as humans do things and the way God does things.

We as humans make rules, make standards. We make things acceptable and not acceptable. I'm not saying this is right or wrong but this is the way we have to do things to keep things under control, and if we as humans want to be more powerful we make more of these things, but really has no power if we choose to not follow them.

God on the other hand accepts everyone who accepts him. Reduces all the rules we have made into 2, and reaches out to the people that don't fit in. He shows the most power when things are weak. He brings together all peoples while bringing out there uniqueness, with out forcing them to conform(even if we as Christians have(shoot even us Christians didn't conform we decided to break from allot of Jewish laws and customs that the first Christians kept)).

I guess this is part of the reason that I dislike a lot of TV shows and popular Idols. I have nothing against having hero's but I do have something against a millions of people all having the same Idol, give the rest of us a chance. There are many people we know that would be much better, maybe not in an individual skill (or maybe if we would if we would go out and have a passion for something) but maybe overall. Thank is what I am talking about being robots, all seeing the same thing, all being taught and feed the same info, all doing the same thing (even being rebellious if that is what you are feed(I'm sure that is easy to make people rebellious, but hard to make people to think)).

peace out
John James Friesen

No post this week

Sorry I don't have a post for this week, but I have updated my profile and blog template. Maybe I will give one later this week.

John James Friesen

Things that are real

It's amazing how God can change this pile of rags into a beautiful masterpiece. It's amazing that through all our faults God can still create something of worth. God has shown me a few of things I've traded. It is because of it that I am where I am. I've cut my looses and chosen certain dreams and gone for it for, ignoring other dreams. If asked the question would I change the past I would say I wouldn't change a thing. In reality we can't do everything we have to make a choice of what we want, and my choices have lead me here.

One important thing God has taught me is that we can't make ourselves truly happy which very near the top of my list. In Grade 12 we studied Ecclesiastes and I have tried and will continue to try to follow it's advice to us humans. It's advice I believe can be summed up in chapter 12
13 This is the end of the matter. All has been heard. Fear God, and keep his commandments; for this is the whole duty of man.
14 For God will bring every work into judgment, with every hidden thing, whether it is good, or whether it is evil.

Something God has taught me is that you can't make yourself follow this advice, you can't make yourself rules or structure that will make you follow this advice, because that is just another attempt to make us robots which doesn't work. The new testament plan involves hardly any rules and structure. I believe it involves wanting to truly listen to God and follow his guiding which will involve tons of mistacks on our behalf which is part of God's plan for us humans (you can point out tons of examples in the disciples). He longs to help us out. He longs to pick us up. He longs to save us from ourselves. If we would only ask.
So God I pray that you would save us.

Answer to Prayer

As always God gives a reply if you ask with all that you have.

Here are some of the answers that I believe God has given me.

Sometimes things can't be worked out, sometimes there is supposed to be strife. God himself has set rules that limit his and others the ability to control people so there is going to be trouble with us and God and us and other people, it should be expected.

Lots problems can't be fixed by you and have to be fixed by God. There is nothing that you can do other than to follow his will even if it is against what you think is right.

There are times when you mind and your heart say opposite things and you got to figure out what you are going to do.

Make mistacks regularly otherwise you will never learn how to deal with them when they really come. They also teach you so much more.

That all these things that we pretend keep us alive really don't and are really cheap substitutes to being carried by God.

God's understanding is so far and beyond our most complex ideas that we really have no clue of what is going on.

If you take your faith seriously for a whole year. Reading your bible daily, praying daily, asking God what he wants from you, start the process of giving up everything you want to give up, offering everything to God and asking everything from God you will have the most intense year of your life, and I believe I havn't even touched the surface of most of these things.

Between Me and God

The following rant is something that I have been struggling for the past year and it is no one's fault it is something that God is trying to teach me or something else I don't know. So why am I posting it hear if it is just between me a God well I don't know other than it might clear things up and or God might give me some advice, or maybe it will help someone else who is going through the same thing. It might be personal but you know what I am trying to teach myself not to care what other people think about me and maybe this is part of that.

Oh God how tough do you want me to be. This past year has been the hardest year of my life. What do you want me to do. What do you want to change in my mind. I can't understand this God give me understanding. All I have is yours and you know that because you have taken away everything else. There is nothing else that I can run to or distract myself with it, has all become useless to me. What do you want to say to me that I can't hear. I've tried to listen so many times. Oh God be on your servant and help him in ways only you can. Oh God be on your servant and change me in only ways you can. Oh God be on your servant and guide me on paths only you know. I need you more than ever Oh God. Thank you for carrying your servant through the hard times. In your holy precious name. Amen.

CPT article that I liked

CPTnet
28 December 2007
HEBRON REFLECTION: "It used to be normal"

by Donna Hicks

In 2001, my friend Sue Gilmurray wrote a song that started out, "It used to
be normal to buy and sell people--" and continued, "But some had the vision,
and some had the courage to work all their lives to put an end to that
trade."

I am struggling this year with The Occupation.  I have had it with The
Occupation to way up over my head.  I am beginning to wonder if in my
violence reduction work through CPT I am complicit in The Occupation.  Have
my colleagues and I become invisible to the Powers that be?  Does our
presence and our work make a difference?

"And then the tide turned--"

The tide may turn, but right now, I feel I'm in the water up to my neck and
the water is rising.

Is it normal for Palestinian school children to have to pass through a
checkpoint and metal detector, and to have their school bags searched by
Israeli border police or soldiers? Is it normal to see a five- year-old
cringe away from a soldier at a checkpoint because he doesn't know if the
soldier will yell at him, or take his bag to search it, or smile and wave
him on?

Is it normal to have Jewish-only roads?  Is it normal to have a segregated
public transportation system--one set of busses for Palestinians and another
set for Israelis?  Is it normal to ask a person if she is Christian, Jewish,
or Muslim to determine if she can walk below the walls of the Ibrahimi
Mosque/Cave of Machpelah?

The song goes on, "Today it is normal to justify warfare--.  We talk of a
vision of peace for our children, and who is to say that we are wasting our
breath?"

The visions of Thomas Clarkson and William Wilberforce, celebrated this year
at the bicentenary of the abolition of the slave trade in the UK, the vision
of Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela and the Truth and Reconciliation
Commission in South Africa--these visions made the tide turn.

Will the growing Palestinian nonviolent movement make the tide turn?

"Because the tide turns--although the change seems slow--as the tide turns
and peace can start to grow."

The water may come up over my head, as the Psalm says, but the tide will
turn and peace will start to grow.  It's got to.

Intensity

I've been told that I that I can be intense. It's one of those things in life that is part of me. It is because of it that I am where I am and it is because of it I am not any farther. There are times when I wish I could take it away, times don't know what I want and other times I'm glad it's there. I guess the best description that I like (C.S. Lewis) is all the things that make us us (emotions, physical body, mind ... ) are like keys on a piano and the trick to life is to combine those keys into a masterpiece but knowing us humans we tend to emphasize something to much and it ends up being a one note song that no one wants to hear. Only the Master really knows how to play the piano.

Psalms 31 (WEB)
23 Oh love Yahweh, all you his saints! Yahweh preserves the faithful, and fully recompenses him who behaves arrogantly.
24 Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in Yahweh.