The leaves fall, the wind sends a chill, seasons change again. This dirt in my hands runs through my veins and reminds me that I am human.
The world calls out for me to prove myself, as if it's going to right all the wrongs.
It's funny how things work. Has no logic, order, or sequence. Discovered fear once again, trying once again.
My disconnect between my brain, emotions, and actions once again realized.
Oh God
You know how to heal,
So heal this broken person,
So heal this broken land.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Value
"You can live with out being controlled by others
Your self worth doesn't have to be determined by others.
and really I'm not cut out for being popular."
So I decided to be myself.
So I decided to find better rules.
I tried to live by what I can do,
tied my value to my ability to preform,
soon found out I never can be great,
never can be something of value.
Ability soon disappears,
is never remembered past the moment.
I realize that I make to many mistakes.
I moved on,
I was going to hold on to my secrets,
hold everything against the rest of the world.
God was good enough to show me the faults,
You fall into a circle of self destruction.
There is no point in holding it back,
no man is an island,
we owe allot to each other.
I realize that I will
never be popular,
never be great,
never hold it all back.
So God everything is yours
even this
full of it's contradictions,
vague descriptions,
unclear meanings,
lies, and errors.
I tie myself to you
So teach me to leave my sin behind,
teach me to trust,
give me more of what I can't take right now.
stretch me beyond my limits,
just be there like you always are,
pick me up, break these fears.
teach me to overcome.
God bless us
God lead us
Your self worth doesn't have to be determined by others.
and really I'm not cut out for being popular."
So I decided to be myself.
So I decided to find better rules.
I tried to live by what I can do,
tied my value to my ability to preform,
soon found out I never can be great,
never can be something of value.
Ability soon disappears,
is never remembered past the moment.
I realize that I make to many mistakes.
I moved on,
I was going to hold on to my secrets,
hold everything against the rest of the world.
God was good enough to show me the faults,
You fall into a circle of self destruction.
There is no point in holding it back,
no man is an island,
we owe allot to each other.
I realize that I will
never be popular,
never be great,
never hold it all back.
So God everything is yours
even this
full of it's contradictions,
vague descriptions,
unclear meanings,
lies, and errors.
I tie myself to you
So teach me to leave my sin behind,
teach me to trust,
give me more of what I can't take right now.
stretch me beyond my limits,
just be there like you always are,
pick me up, break these fears.
teach me to overcome.
God bless us
God lead us
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Still working it out.
I remember in grade school
How I realized how all my efforts
in trying to be popular, wanting to be at the top
or as close to as possible; How those desires were useless.
I guess I saw a glimpse of the power in what Jesus had to offer.
You can live with out being controlled by others
Your self worth doesn't have to be determined by others.
and really I'm not cut out for being popular.
So I decided to be myself.
So I decided to find better rules.
I am still trying to figure out what that means
I am still trying to figure out how to play it out.
Here is where something new comes in,
Every time you put anything before God,
even yourself, your deepest instinct before God,
you fall down a slippery slope.
Read the post on Tues Sept 16,
and you will see how close I come, if not step over that line.
It isn't the first time, and it creates allot of trouble.
1 Corinthians 2:12
"Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God."
I would like to replace deepest instinct with Spirit from God in that quote by Katharine Butler Hathaway.
I guess that's my hope for everyone.
That we can lose chains that hold us here
That stop the almighty from his work
We need God's help more than we can imagine.
How I realized how all my efforts
in trying to be popular, wanting to be at the top
or as close to as possible; How those desires were useless.
I guess I saw a glimpse of the power in what Jesus had to offer.
You can live with out being controlled by others
Your self worth doesn't have to be determined by others.
and really I'm not cut out for being popular.
So I decided to be myself.
So I decided to find better rules.
I am still trying to figure out what that means
I am still trying to figure out how to play it out.
Here is where something new comes in,
Every time you put anything before God,
even yourself, your deepest instinct before God,
you fall down a slippery slope.
Read the post on Tues Sept 16,
and you will see how close I come, if not step over that line.
It isn't the first time, and it creates allot of trouble.
1 Corinthians 2:12
"Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God."
I would like to replace deepest instinct with Spirit from God in that quote by Katharine Butler Hathaway.
I guess that's my hope for everyone.
That we can lose chains that hold us here
That stop the almighty from his work
We need God's help more than we can imagine.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Difference
So I think I should be taking a break, I'm going to make to many mistakes.
So I've realized how much of what I read is stuff written by post-modern thinkers.
I wonder how this affects what I think, how I see the world, how it blinds me.
The truth is in many ways it is a post-modern world.
This is how I understand the difference.
The modern thinker sees the world as a puzzle to solve, and once it is answered, his job is to tell everyone the answer, and get people to join his cause. He tends to think more about individual ideas and individual people. A modern looks for the truth, he will argue forever to prove his point.
The post-modern person see's the world as a place where all the visible problems have an answer yet the world is still the same. A post-modern looks for something they can taste, touch, feel. They have been lied to many times. A post-modern will agree with everything you say yet can still disagree. A post-modern can believe something even though it is false just because they can feel it.
As you can probably tell I have strong post-modern ideas. It is true knowing the answer alone does not change a thing. We've been told that science, medicine, industrialization, religion will solve our problems, when really they can't and God never said they would.
Revelation 3
"17 Because you say. 'I am rich have become wealthy, and have need of nothing' -and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked--
18 I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see."
These days answers are a dime a dozen. So don't tell people why your idea is better but show them.
To modern person it is all about professional presentation.
To a post-modern it is all about being real, joy and pain.
So you can see how they clash.
So God give us real gold
cover us in white
and heal our eyes
So I've realized how much of what I read is stuff written by post-modern thinkers.
I wonder how this affects what I think, how I see the world, how it blinds me.
The truth is in many ways it is a post-modern world.
This is how I understand the difference.
The modern thinker sees the world as a puzzle to solve, and once it is answered, his job is to tell everyone the answer, and get people to join his cause. He tends to think more about individual ideas and individual people. A modern looks for the truth, he will argue forever to prove his point.
The post-modern person see's the world as a place where all the visible problems have an answer yet the world is still the same. A post-modern looks for something they can taste, touch, feel. They have been lied to many times. A post-modern will agree with everything you say yet can still disagree. A post-modern can believe something even though it is false just because they can feel it.
As you can probably tell I have strong post-modern ideas. It is true knowing the answer alone does not change a thing. We've been told that science, medicine, industrialization, religion will solve our problems, when really they can't and God never said they would.
Revelation 3
"17 Because you say. 'I am rich have become wealthy, and have need of nothing' -and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked--
18 I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see."
These days answers are a dime a dozen. So don't tell people why your idea is better but show them.
To modern person it is all about professional presentation.
To a post-modern it is all about being real, joy and pain.
So you can see how they clash.
So God give us real gold
cover us in white
and heal our eyes
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Lead me in search for truth
These are statements that I find powerful
They are not a cornerstone.
-to truly live you have to be ready to die
-never lie to yourself
I continue trying to understand what they mean.
I believe it is much more than just saying your ready to die.
or committing suicide.
It is an actual search.
It is a journey with an end.
These statements lead me to search for value
These statements lead me in search for truth
Luke 9:24
"For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever will lose his life for my sake, the same will save it."
John 12:
44 Jesus cried out and said, “Whoever believes in me, believes not in me, but in him who sent me.
45 He who sees me sees him who sent me.
46 I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in me may not remain in the darkness.
47 If anyone listens to my sayings, and doesn’t believe, I don’t judge him. For I came not to judge the world, but to save the world.
48 He who rejects me, and doesn’t receive my sayings, has one who judges him. The word that I spoke, the same will judge him in the last day.
49 For I spoke not from myself, but the Father who sent me, he gave me a commandment, what I should say, and what I should speak.
50 I know that his commandment is eternal life. The things therefore which I speak, even as the Father has said to me, so I speak.”
They are not a cornerstone.
-to truly live you have to be ready to die
-never lie to yourself
I continue trying to understand what they mean.
I believe it is much more than just saying your ready to die.
or committing suicide.
It is an actual search.
It is a journey with an end.
These statements lead me to search for value
These statements lead me in search for truth
Luke 9:24
"For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever will lose his life for my sake, the same will save it."
John 12:
44 Jesus cried out and said, “Whoever believes in me, believes not in me, but in him who sent me.
45 He who sees me sees him who sent me.
46 I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in me may not remain in the darkness.
47 If anyone listens to my sayings, and doesn’t believe, I don’t judge him. For I came not to judge the world, but to save the world.
48 He who rejects me, and doesn’t receive my sayings, has one who judges him. The word that I spoke, the same will judge him in the last day.
49 For I spoke not from myself, but the Father who sent me, he gave me a commandment, what I should say, and what I should speak.
50 I know that his commandment is eternal life. The things therefore which I speak, even as the Father has said to me, so I speak.”
Extol God
The forest before me
large trees and thick cover.
the sun shines through and
I get glimpses of the other side
so far away, yet right here
I want to get through,
but there seems to be no path.
All my attempts have left me here
I believe there is a way through
so I will keep at it
I've been told I don't give up
Something happens in that moment
when you give all you can to someone.
You get good idea of who they are,
better than what words can say
from that point on there are only two paths.
One that leads away,
and the other well is something
only God can describe.
God renews, refreshes, and always leads on
no matter what happens.
large trees and thick cover.
the sun shines through and
I get glimpses of the other side
so far away, yet right here
I want to get through,
but there seems to be no path.
All my attempts have left me here
I believe there is a way through
so I will keep at it
I've been told I don't give up
Something happens in that moment
when you give all you can to someone.
You get good idea of who they are,
better than what words can say
from that point on there are only two paths.
One that leads away,
and the other well is something
only God can describe.
God renews, refreshes, and always leads on
no matter what happens.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
And old dilemma returns
When should you be nice?
When should you prove a point?
When should you walk away?
When is it useful to fight the idea?
When should you play hard ball?
I've heard this before and I think there is something to it.
If your defending yourself you should walk away
If your defending someone stick around.
Some people talk for fear of hearing someone else talk.
Some people brag for fear of looking in the mirror.
Some people are busy for fear of listening to themselves.
"Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself."
Friedrich Nietzsche
I'm sure you've all seen it done
people debate a subject,
they talk allot,
when it's done nothings really changed,
and nobody really planned on it.
It teaches you to be confident in your ideas,
but that's about it.
Convincing somebody is done on a whole different level.
Maybe I'm stuck in my own world,
or maybe I'm to practical.
I have been accused of that.
"It is only by following your deepest instinct that you can lead a rich life, and if you let your fear of consequence prevent you from following your deepest instinct, then your life will be safe, expedient and thin." Katharine Butler Hathaway
"Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt." William Shakespeare
just for you
"What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it." Krishnamurti
God lead us.
God bless us.
When should you prove a point?
When should you walk away?
When is it useful to fight the idea?
When should you play hard ball?
I've heard this before and I think there is something to it.
If your defending yourself you should walk away
If your defending someone stick around.
Some people talk for fear of hearing someone else talk.
Some people brag for fear of looking in the mirror.
Some people are busy for fear of listening to themselves.
"Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself."
Friedrich Nietzsche
I'm sure you've all seen it done
people debate a subject,
they talk allot,
when it's done nothings really changed,
and nobody really planned on it.
It teaches you to be confident in your ideas,
but that's about it.
Convincing somebody is done on a whole different level.
Maybe I'm stuck in my own world,
or maybe I'm to practical.
I have been accused of that.
"It is only by following your deepest instinct that you can lead a rich life, and if you let your fear of consequence prevent you from following your deepest instinct, then your life will be safe, expedient and thin." Katharine Butler Hathaway
"Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt." William Shakespeare
just for you
"What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it." Krishnamurti
God lead us.
God bless us.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
I can't hold back God
This world is full of experiences, many of which are hard to explain.
I find anything I can't explain,
anything I can't deal with,
anything that leaves my clueless on what to do,
I tend to shove it in a closet and lock the door.
There are many distractions I use to ignore,
many ways to cover up.
But everything I hid comes back again,
everything I want to forget works it's way up.
I can't lock things up forever,
I can't hold back God.
It's in that moment when the fighting is the fiercest,
God is fighting for me.
God bless us.
God lead us.
I find anything I can't explain,
anything I can't deal with,
anything that leaves my clueless on what to do,
I tend to shove it in a closet and lock the door.
There are many distractions I use to ignore,
many ways to cover up.
But everything I hid comes back again,
everything I want to forget works it's way up.
I can't lock things up forever,
I can't hold back God.
It's in that moment when the fighting is the fiercest,
God is fighting for me.
God bless us.
God lead us.
I realize my inadequacy
I realize my inadequacy of my words to describe what I think.
I realize my inadequacy of what I think compared with what should be thought.
I realize my inadequacy to understand what the almighty is trying to tell me.
I realize my inadequacy to understand what's around me.
I realize my inadequacy of my brain to comprehend even simple things.
Then you soon find out how far my words are from what should be,
and so I try and try again.
I realize my inadequacy of what I think compared with what should be thought.
I realize my inadequacy to understand what the almighty is trying to tell me.
I realize my inadequacy to understand what's around me.
I realize my inadequacy of my brain to comprehend even simple things.
Then you soon find out how far my words are from what should be,
and so I try and try again.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Effects
So I was going to write a post on everyday drugs and how we need them, and how I thought they were unnecessary, but well there are more important things.So you may be wondering why I have chosen to post this picture. Not the most flattering, it's just that I figured something out that was puzzling me.
I have recently added Mr. Beans Holiday to my movie collection and after the second, or third time watching it I figured it out. Mr. Bean(Rowan Atkinson) does the same thing when his picture is taken. Lol To think Mr. Bean has affected me somewhere in the subconsciouses level lol. That is just to funny.
I find part of life is finding the right heroes and finding out what we can learn from them. This usually happens at the same time for me. A hero to me is someone has something to teach the rest of us.
If you watch the extra features, you hear how dedicated Rowan Atkinson is. How he puts so much energy into what he does. That is something I can learn from, how if you work hard and care about what you do it will appear that you don't work at all. When you care about the result and not being recognized by the effort.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Blog
So God told me this blog was taking a new direction, and me being me came up with like 20 new things I could do. But it turns out it wasn't really up to me, it was already changing.
I find silence about our struggles is a strong enemy. Who am I trying to impress anyways, I'm not impressed by cold people. So here you have it.
I find silence about our struggles is a strong enemy. Who am I trying to impress anyways, I'm not impressed by cold people. So here you have it.
General
A new perspective, things look different.
Is this me or a different cover
The road is stony where to go.
My checks throw a red flag.
Am I becoming what I hate.
(A self conceited, goal oriented, workaholic)
What do I keep, What do I throw away?
I do know I have never prayed so hard,
never been so open, never stepped so far across the lines,
never had suck refusal to be put down.
Oh God I am weak
and I owe you everything
I don't want either side
show me the straight and narrow
show me your way
give me your strength.
You have promised you are on the other side
You will take care of me,
I have nothing to fear because you have conquered all.
why do I fear?
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for calming my soul.
Thank you for guiding me even when things where hard
Thank you for being here.
Is this me or a different cover
The road is stony where to go.
My checks throw a red flag.
Am I becoming what I hate.
(A self conceited, goal oriented, workaholic)
What do I keep, What do I throw away?
I do know I have never prayed so hard,
never been so open, never stepped so far across the lines,
never had suck refusal to be put down.
Oh God I am weak
and I owe you everything
I don't want either side
show me the straight and narrow
show me your way
give me your strength.
You have promised you are on the other side
You will take care of me,
I have nothing to fear because you have conquered all.
why do I fear?
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for calming my soul.
Thank you for guiding me even when things where hard
Thank you for being here.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The road continues
The road pulls ahead,
and the journey continues.
I rely on God making me resilient.
I keep hoping and fighting,
I keep the end in sight.
I hope it's not to late,
to say what I mean.
All the way down under,
on the other side of this world
I wonder if things are still the same.
Or is it just me that's crazy.
This road has many more twists I'm sure ,
I will deal with them as they come
no need to worry now.
I have angst against people
telling me my ideas are stupid in what ever way it's said,
I've spent way to much time,
evaluating their ideas to see if there's any truth to what they say.
I'm taking your words at first glance.
Your soul as backing,
and the rest of the work to change my mind is in God's hands
I find logic and evaluation leads you to a corner with no way out.
Ideas are plenty,
comments are a never ending flood.
Their worth is almost nothing.
It's time that determines the truth.
Only a few things last forever.
God lead me.
and the journey continues.
I rely on God making me resilient.
I keep hoping and fighting,
I keep the end in sight.
I hope it's not to late,
to say what I mean.
All the way down under,
on the other side of this world
I wonder if things are still the same.
Or is it just me that's crazy.
This road has many more twists I'm sure ,
I will deal with them as they come
no need to worry now.
I have angst against people
telling me my ideas are stupid in what ever way it's said,
I've spent way to much time,
evaluating their ideas to see if there's any truth to what they say.
I'm taking your words at first glance.
Your soul as backing,
and the rest of the work to change my mind is in God's hands
I find logic and evaluation leads you to a corner with no way out.
Ideas are plenty,
comments are a never ending flood.
Their worth is almost nothing.
It's time that determines the truth.
Only a few things last forever.
God lead me.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I shouldn't expect them to
Some people just don't seem to understand, and I guess I shouldn't expect them to.
Your advice seems to be for yourself.
I am who I am and and thank God only he can change that.
This years battles are dwarfed by the ones of the past.
Can't you see that I'm doing fine.
I'm deep in thought it's not because my life is falling apart
It's just that things are moving and God is working.
Everyone's different so why do you expect that I'm the same.
So let me make my own mistakes,
because I'm living my life.
Don't you see that words are cheep and the more you repeat the less their worth.
Don't you understand words are just the medium, it's your motives that count.
Your not supposed to live by logic it is just a tool.
Don't you see that people care more about how you treat them then what you think.
Your advice seems to be for yourself.
I am who I am and and thank God only he can change that.
This years battles are dwarfed by the ones of the past.
Can't you see that I'm doing fine.
I'm deep in thought it's not because my life is falling apart
It's just that things are moving and God is working.
Everyone's different so why do you expect that I'm the same.
So let me make my own mistakes,
because I'm living my life.
Don't you see that words are cheep and the more you repeat the less their worth.
Don't you understand words are just the medium, it's your motives that count.
Your not supposed to live by logic it is just a tool.
Don't you see that people care more about how you treat them then what you think.
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