So many things uncertain

I find again there are so many things to hard to understand,
so many things uncertain.
I am left flip flopping experimenting,
seeing what works, and yet I have no clue.
I pray and you answer me in your mercy and grace
"follow me".
I find I care less about what I know,
I find I care less about what direction I'm going,
knowing that I am in the hand of God and
there is little i can do for him to let me go.
Who really cares, this life is so short and I have a Saviour that will forgive.
So God I pray that you would leave my worrying, my fussing, fear behind and teach me to trust.

Million more to go

It's felt like I've traveled a million miles this summer, and there's a million more to go. God is intent on his transformation and I pray he completes it even though it will take a life time.

I remember the night I started my rebellion against the rules of culture, it had it's roots in how people destroy each other. I find the weight of the world crushes you. We can't stop our destructive nature.

God seems to repeatedly teach me to let it all go and trust Jesus. A road of discovery of the basics of human living and who we are.

Put on hold

I'm putting this blog on hold for a bit, if your looking for a post check the previous months.

It seems as though the struggle continues.

I flip through these old pages,
I see pictures of the past and wonder.
It seems as though the struggle continues.
Am I bridging the gap
of acceptance and isolation, cowardice and bravery.
New lines are being drawn
and the first skirmishes are seen of power and money
I had found that I have prepared well
but do I want to go to battle.
I have a history of making my own rules
making my own battles, but to what end.
Do I really know more about this fight?
Am I going to make the same mistakes?
I find again that I have no desire to be king,
no desire for the prizes offered,
and it is very easy to be cynical and cast my condemnation,
but that never gets anywhere.
I am left wondering what am I to do.
What am I to fight for?
I am on my knees again asking for guidance and strength.
I pray hard that God will forgive and he would leave my blindness behind,
because I am in need of his help.

The path clears

The path clears and wo
I find I've never been here before.
I feel a little uneasy,
feel a little excited.
Not sure what to think.
Do I run out into the open
or test the grass slowly, no need
This is something here.
Something that moved the heavens,
a bigger power than what I'm used to,
a pouring of rain that saturates me.
I am left gasping for air and confused.
What is this place?
What am I doing here?
Is this the home I've looked for?
Is this what my soul has longed for?
A place that is unshakable,
yet shakes me to the core.
A place of ultimate beauty
but a chilling breath of truth.
It cuts deep, and I realize
the insignificance of my reality,
compared with divine purpose.
What am I made for?
Why do I have nothing left?
"Now is when you have all."
"Now is when you are free."
I thank Jesus for leading me here,
and we continue on.

What if doing everything right is not enough?

God seems to teach me over and over again that you can do nothing with out God. All my efforts are useless with out him.

What if doing everything right is not enough? What if going back and changing mistakes wouldn't change a thing we would only make the mistake somewhere else? What if events aren't only controlled by our actions but by a God that truly wants to change us?

So God I can do nothing. You are ruler of all.

I do not know if what I post is right, wrong, or crazy but I do know I will continue until God says to stop. It has this unique ability that helps me, especially when I've seemed to have jammed the gas pedal at full throttle.

Never miss a beat

I resolve to remember everything.
I have this moment once,
everything is set in stone
an unchangeable past that brought me here
I have only one river to cross, one price to pay,
I resolve to never forget.

Weary from praying

I find myself completely exhausted
completely drained from pouring out my concerns to you
I find myself weary from praying.
Then you pick me up give me a little more
So I can continue to ask you to bring a little more heaven
over here on earth.

Pull me along

Pull me along
Lift my soul
for you have created a passion
to walk to road less traveled of fact and fiction
to journey to the heights and expanses
Give me strength and courage
to leave these old walls that I have created
and truly open my world to you wonders
For you are found a million miles away and right here.
Where your greatest work can be the slightest change of heart
Lead me in your ways because we are in need of your guidance Oh God.

C.H. Spurgeon, Morning by Morning, August 5

"We know that all things work together for good to them that love God." Romans viii. 28.
Upon some points a believer is absolutely sure. He knows, for instance, that God sits in the stern-sheets of the vessel when it rocks most. He believes that an invisible hand is always on the world's tiller, and that wherever providence may drift, Jehovah steers it. That re-assuring knowledge prepares him for everything. He looks over the raging waters and sees the spirit of Jesus treading the billows, and he hears a voice saying, "It is I, be not afraid." He knows too that God is always wise, and, knowing this, he is confident that there can be no accidents, no mistakes; that nothing can occur which ought not to arise. He can say, "If I should lose all I have, it is better that I should lose than have, if God so wills: the worst calamity is the wisest and the kindest thing that could befall to me if God ordains it." "We know that all things work together for good to them that love God." The Christian does not merely hold this as a theory, but he knows it as a matter of fact. Everything has worked for good as yet; the poisonous drugs mixed in fit proportions have worked the cure; the sharp cuts of the lancet have cleansed out the proud flesh and facilitated the healing. Every event as yet has worked out the most divinely blessed results; and so, believing that God rules all, that He governs wisely, that He brings good out of evil, the believer's heart is assured, and he is enabled calmly to meet each trial as it comes. The believer can in the spirit of true resignation pray, "Send me what thou wilt, my God, so long as it comes from thee; never came there an ill portion from Thy table to any of Thy children."

"Say not my soul, 'From whence can God relieve my care?'
Remember that Omnipotence has servants everywhere.
His method is sublime, His heart profoundly kind,
God never is before His time, and never is behind."