Happy New Years

God lead us
God bless us

So it's been another year,
and quite the marathon, 36 more posts than last year.
Many thanks to all those who inspired me,
and those that disagreed with me.
A toast to the year that was.
And wow I miss my faster Internet :p.

God Bless us,
I thank you for the year that was
and may the next year be better than the last,
better in your eyes God.
because at the end I will see through your eyes.
From this your creation, to the creator of all.

Playground

I try not to burn any bridges,
I try not to run if I can,
Never again is something I try not to say,
and when I do I usually eat my words.

I'd rather face my fears, look it down if I can,
and see what happens.
I look to see if it's all your saying.
I look to see who's right, and why.
I look to see if something will change,
because I know nothing changes for the better by itself.

I desire truth and search for it, so tell me it.
I desire things I can hang on to and look for them, so show me God.

It may seem that it's me against the world,
me against all these demons that try to control us.
But really it's far from that it's not me against anything,
it's follow the leader, it's a playground where you hold the teachers hand.
Your not here to climb the tallest structure, build the tallest tower, beat up the toughest kid.
I find I have no strength to do these things and I thank God I don't because I would have.

And maybe it's my problem,
maybe i should light some fires.
but I really do not know, the door is kept open,
I save the burning for God.

Rework

My message to myself, to the rest.
I'm feeling a little Winston Churchill ish.
That is stuck to my guns, fighting through.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Roosevelt
God has given me the tools to survive, and he will continue to give me what I need.
I am going to live for my lord not slowing down, not caring what I fit in.
I have a world of opportunity, God can do anything and I believe that.
And I take another step, as I reach for the future.
As you can tell I can get very focused,
And the farther I go the older I feel,
the more I understand people from the past.
I only live once and this is the way I want to live it.

I love straight forward,
simple direct because, I find so many times it doesn't exist,
so all I can do is make guesstamates, and I get tired of it.
But I'll try again, because that's all I can do.

Under the condition;
I can't know everyone so I would rather know a few people well and try to make things work.
I can't do everything so I would rather pick a few things and do them well.
that I can't be someone else, all I can do is what I believe is true.

I know that if I try work for someone else's dream,
if I try to meet someone else's expectation, I find myself dead.

I find never is a strong word, and I find I have no idea how things will change
I feel the restless soul inside of me, so many things I want yet to do,
so many things I have left that I should do, so I propose to do them.
I will lay them down if needed because they hardly reach to top of my priorities.
Nothing seems to be better than to try what I believe, trust God with the rest
and then fail or succeed.
I find myself making more mistakes but how am I suppose to learn?

Some guy in Siberia believes he is Jesus reincarnated, and it works at my soul.
Can you really think so, can you really so mislead, what drives that.
I guess some of us are feed up with the modern world, and turn to what we will.
To bad, the real church hasn't picked you up.

It seems I deep down I like to thwart the world, prove how things are so backwards.
But I find hardly anyone cares, and I find myself in the same boat because
I do not know how to fix things, I do not know what is wrong, and
I don't have the strength to fix things, though I've tried really hard.
So I trust God to lead me down his path,
because really that's the only way things can go, to do any better.

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams page 48 End of ch. 7
"Expect!' said Marvin, 'Oh yes, expect. I'll tell you what they gave me to protect myself with shall I?'
'Yes, alright,' said the battle machine, bracing itself,
'Nothing,' said Marvin.
There was a dangerous pause.
'Nothing?' roared the battle machine.
'Nothing at all,' intoned Marvin dismally, 'not an electronic sausage.'
...
'Hell's bells!' the machine roared as it plummeted fifteen storeys and smashed itself to bits on the ground below.
'What a depressingly stupid machine,' said Marvin and trudged away."

Lace on the skates

Lace on the skates
It's freezing cold, wind is blowing
the ice is hard, with a layer of snow.
Rink all to myself.

I find that there is nothing like it,
and maybe it just a diminishing return,
or maybe it's just on the edge,
... could be reasons, that I like it.

I should really be studying,
should be working, but nah I'd rather enjoy.
Could be inside, but I'm forced to be there, so I'd rather freeze.

So I'll enjoy this freedom, this peace, this cold. :)

John James Friesen

In Line

It's funny how what music I listen to affects what I write about. Today it's Brandon Heath with Tenth Avenue North.

I noticed something today, and it's something I've come to realize and continue to work at. If you want to be good at something, it's all about the details. It's all about memorizing, it's all about doing things neatly and in order. Half attempted, half tried gives you less than half the learning, less than half the result. As soon as started practicing memorizing, started caring about the presentation of my work even if it's just for myself it's surprising how things fall in line. It's surprising how things become so much easier. I guess that's what part of this is about, it forces me to line things up, put some order and record things. Anyway that's just my thoughts.

John James Friesen

Different Cover

So I found some lose paper in my room and I found a rough draft of Sept 7 blog and I remember some of the responses I had to my own words.
"A new perspective, things look different.
Is this me or a different cover"
Just like we have different jackets for different weather we should also have different attitudes for different environments, that kind of struck me. But when you think about it that's the way it always was. It just didn't strike me before.
I was hanging out with some friends from the U and I realized how much of a task oriented person I am. Allot of the strange curiosities that I find in myself I also found in them lol. I need some task some goal that I am working towards.
Now that I think about these things they are "well duh" things. But now that I have narrowed it down I can direct the path a little better. Now I can make choices on what I wear and what my goals are, and consider how these choices are going to affect me. So they might be "well duh" but the realization and now the direction is far from that.

Actually any of this blog, or any of my thoughts are pointless unless It somehow changes things.

Mix

Birthdays should definitely be celebrated on the day before,
celebrating the last day of being one year younger lol.
This is a mix of some things that I have saved as drafts and never posted.

God is very jealous over souls, and he wants mine, and so wants yours.
He has a determination that I can not match, that I can not resist.
He will not be satisfied by some half gift,
He takes out the big tools, if you ask him, until he has the all.
He is intent on answering prayer, if you are intent on asking.
just sometimes it takes some time.
So God I give my earthly desires they are yours, just teach me how.
Teach me to ask from you everything that I need.

From what I've learned
Forgiveness is needed before it is asked for
even if it is never asked for.
Don't judge or put down, that's God job
everyone has there faults even you.
Don't push your ideas,
actually use someone else's if it works.
Don't put limits on people,
rather stretch them.
Work hard at what you do, but don't kill yourself doing it.
We are so lucky to be living now.
Don't wait for something to happen.
Life keeps moving, so ask God what to do
and then do it.

Re-entering

Re-entering the world after constant work feels like crap,
You have now clue when you left, but you do know you left.
You have to figure out everything over again,
from what you used to do, to how to sleep/eat during normal hours.

There are things though that I like,
you see who you are, no holds back.
It seems it would be easy to divide and conquer me
But I find there is always something I hang on to,
and if I don't know what the struggle continues
between me and God,
between what I want and what God wants.
So I choose God.